Soliloquies of A Stranger

I know that I have been MIA for a while, but I have a valid excuse. We have relocated. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with the comments, but I do appreciate your continued support. Also, I have so many emails and other online affairs to handle - so little time -  so check back on my blog for more updates soon insha’Allah. Until then, I will leave you with some masalaama or bye bye pics of the housing community I have lived on for the past 5 1/2 years. I will miss it.

…and I am feeling much much better walhamduillah!

After giving much Praise, Glorification, and Exaltation to our Creator and Lord of Everything in Existence - I would like to thank everyone who offered prayers, supplications, advice, kind words, and thoughts.

I honestly can’t tell what made me better. Allah is the source of all cures and I took every one’s advice. I drank the Cran-Aid, Cranberry Juice, Pomegranate Juice, and of course tons of water. I think that my problem was probably caused by two long car trips I took AGAINST doctors orders. One was the day after I was released from the hospital. I was fine before this. In both cases I was in the car for several hours. Our car was in the shop, so we were in a rental car. My husband and nephew in the front. Me, the baby in his car seat, the two girls on one side of the baby, and my other son and I on the other side. It only is suppose to seat three! My 30 lb son rode on my lap the entire time and slept on my lap on the way home both times. Perhaps this bruised me internally, because my doctor said that I was raw inside. So I’m thinking I added stress to an already sensitive area.

My father is in the hospital. He is Muslim, please make dua for him. He has dialysis 3 times a week, has suffered from two strokes, and regularly has seizures. Last week he fell and my family took him to the hospital. They found and infection in him, but nothing medically keeping him from walking, so he is being referred for rehab to help him ‘mentally’ learn to walk again.

While talking to my Aunt, I told her that I was really interested in tracing my roots. I wanted to know more about Grandaddy. Growing up all I knew was that his name was N.C Carter and I met one of his brothers - Uncle Tootie (sp). After he died I saw his death certificate had his name as Nin Cea. My aunt said that nobody new that was his name until after he died. She said that Uncle Tootie and the rest of his family do not even have Carter as their last names, but are known as ‘Air-Heart’. I told her that I call my baby ‘Lil Ole N.C’, because he looks so much like him and is red just like him, plus my grandfather use to call me either, ‘Lil Ole Hattie Mae’ or ‘Lil Ole Lady Carter’ after my grandmother. My aunt then told me that even though my grandfather was born in Molten Arkansas - his people are from Oklahoma and are the reddest people you will ever see and that they spread across some mountains in California. So that’s all I know for now. I’ll try and see what I can do with that information.

If anyone is wondering why I call the baby, ‘My lil Sharwama’; it is not because I am fond of the processed sandwich. I actually can’t stand them unless they are exceptional. If you don’t know what a Sharwama is, it’s like a Gyro, but only in a wrap. Here’s my lil Sharwama:

Most hospitals around the world will swaddle (wrap up) the babies in the nursery like this. However, it was not until I got to this part of the world, that I noticed people still swaddling their babies at home. In Saudi, it is lazum (a must) that you swaddle your child for at least the first two months. I have had three children born abroad and my lil Sharwama, may just be the first one to last two months, insha’Allah. He really enjoys being swaddle and doesn’t try to escape like his older siblings did.

I wanted to come on and reply to your wonderful comments, but I have limited access to the internet, for the time being, and have used up my time writing this post. Please do not be offended if I do not reply to the comments.

The Recovery

Seems to be going from bad to worse. I don’t want to use this blog to complain , so I’ll just ask for duas.

I will mention the problems, just in case anyone has any experience or advice. I’m suffering from intense Bladder Trauma. I went to the ER last night and had a blood and urine investigation done. Nothing conclusive, but I think the doctor was not well qualified. Some protein showed up in my urine so he gave me a referral to a Urologist. He said it could be my kidneys, but I doubt that. I believe it is the bladder or urinary tract. I have gone from using the bathroom every hour, to every 30 minutes, to every 15 minutes. I no longer have pain upon urinating, but I have extreme bladder spasms and what seems like crazy nerve damage for the first minute after using it. I do not know how I have stayed sane. I have to go through this every 15 minutes and to top it off I can only sleep in 15 minute intervals (in between frequent nursing and diaper changes). I feel like my insides must look like a failed attempt at putting Humpty Dumpty together! I would say the pain is unbearable, but Allah never gives us more than we can bear - walhamduillah!

Allah says:

“We shall surely test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to those who have fortitude. Who when struck by misfortune, say: ‘We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.’ “ [Al-Qur'an 2:155-156]

As if that is not enough, I have resumed the 5 daily prayers (Muslim women are excused for up to 40 days postpartum from the daily prayers due to post natel bleeding and also from praying that tie of the month). I feel awful for even feeling cheated of my 40 days - I thought that I would not be able to handle it - but I’m up most of the time anyway - I might as well pray. I know… still sounds bad!

Allah also says previous to these two ayat:

“O Believers, seek help in patience and in the ritual prayer. Allah is with those that are patient.” [Al-Qur'an 2:154]

The Baby

Masha’allah! I don’t think I could have had a better baby, especially under these circumstances. He is a sweetie pie. I already have two nicknames for him (Red Man and Sharwama). He is my smallest baby. Weighed 2.7kg (about 6lbs) at birth. I love his name, but can’t tell yall cuz one of the complaints taken to my husband about the blog was that I gave my children’s names and this complaint my dh took serious. I can give you all clues though…lol. There are several gates of Jannah (paradise) - I’ve read 7 in one report and 8 in another. He is names after one of the gates of jannah. May he, his parents, siblings, and offspring be able to enter jannah though any gate we please…aameen.

My Family

This pregnancy was lonely for me because I did not have the support of my family. I did not tell my siblings, mother, father, Aunts, Uncles or cousins. I did not want my mother to find out because she worries a lot. When I was pregnant with my last son all I did was call her and she was like, “are you pregnant?” Said in that irritated pissed off I can’t believe my teenage daughter is pregnant way. After I delivered him, she begged me not to get pregnant again. So this time I did not call her for fear she would detect it in my voice (yall know how mamas are!), and I did not tell other family members. I called my sister the night of the delivery all drugged out sounding and told her to tell ma. She was like, “I can’t believe you are 30 something and hiding your pregnancies.” All I could do was cry on the phone I was so out of it and I was glad my sister was there for me in my drugged out state.

“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’lta sahlan wa anta taj’alu al-hazna idha shi’ta sahlan.”

“O Allah, there is no ease except by that which you have made easy, and you are able to make to change difficulty into ease if you wish.” [Sahih ibn Hibban]

“Qaddar Allahu masha’a fa’ala.”

“Allah has decreed and He does what He wills.” [Sahih Muslim]

“Hasbi Allahu wa ne’mal wakil.”

“Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs.” [Recorded by Abu Dawud and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani]

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.”

“We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.” [Al-Qur'an 2:156]

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un. Allahumma ujurni fi museebati w’ukhluf li khayran minha.”

“Truly to Allah we belong and verily to Him we shall return. O Allah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it.” [Sahih Muslim]

I’m chatting with my sister in law now and she has just informed me the following of  her only grandchild - little Braydon:

Jennifer says:

Jennifer says:

Jennifer says:

Jennifer says:

Please remember himin your duas. Here is an article in the local paper about him. He was visiting with his dad. 

http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/15327885/detail.html

I arrived at the hospital, to be admitted, the morning before the operation. I was nervous, but trying really hard to put my trust and reliance in Allah. I had a really bad previous cesarean. All of my children have been born via cesarean. My first two were without incident, alhamduillah. However, my 3rd cesarean was very complicated. When the opened me up, they could not get to the baby, because my abdominal wall, uterus, and bladder were all stuck together due to adhesion (scar tissue) from the two previous cesareans.

I was given a local anesthesia (spinal tap), for the first three deliveries. The doctors fr the third delivery were opposed to this and I had to get special permission, because it is hospital policy that they use a general anesthesia. There was much commotion in the room, I as awake and nobody informed me of what was going on. I remember watching the monitors and their reaction.  Remember my boy shivering and  me saying how cold I was. That must have been from blood lost, because I had to have a blood transfusion. After they took the baby out, there was not much happening, which was weird. Usually, after the baby is out the close me up and I’m sent to recovery in about 15 minutes. A while later Dr. Atif the head of the ob/gy came in. I was latwer infprmed by a nurse that my doctor was not suppose to perform the operatio without him present and that he was in another operation and so she just decided to do it with out him. Once he came in, I heard whispering and then I heard him say, “put her to sleep” and the gas mask came down and I was out for the next four hours.

Needless to say, he was not pleased when he saw me in the hospital a few weeks ago (typical of me to spend a great part of my last trimester in and out the hospital regulating my blood pressure). He told me, “Didn’t I advise you not to get pregnant again?” I was like, no you did not and I specifically asked you if I could have more children. I remember him looking at me like, “why the heck would you want more?”, but his answer was still yes and he did not advise me to not have more, even though I figured it wasn’t the best option.

So after this delivery, Dr. Atif and my OB/GY came to visit me and inform me that it took them, “over four hours to do a 20 minute procedure.” They said that this delivery was the worse and extremely complicated. Not only was my life at risk but they were not sure, once they opened me and found the mess, how they would avoid causing damage to my organs. Ths time my bowels were stuk together with the bladder, uterus, and abdominal wall. They said it was difficult to get to the baby and even more difficult to get to my tubes, because the doctor determined that a tubal ligation was in order. I’ve been told to come home and not do ANYTHING! Even though my incision wound may appear to heal normally, they said that my insides are raw from all the scraping away of the scar tissues. I don’t ‘do nothing’ well, especially when I have so many people depending on me. However, my husband does ‘nothing’ very well!

I’ll try to post a few other blogs, but I won’t be around much. I’m drained, exhausted, and in a state of confusion that I don’t recall ever being in. I had a bad reactionto some meds in the hospital. I was sick with a sore thrat and dry coough for two weeks and after the surgury it was extremely painful to cough and I was given a number of drugs including a cough suppressant and antihistimine and I haven’t been quite right in the mind or body since then. So to avoid a blog full og mu pycho babble, I’ll just stay away, plus since I don’t do nothing well I am actually extremely busy (not baby related) for the next two weeks insha’allah.

Please keep me in your duas.

All praise is to Allah. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Sunday February 10th. We came home today. Will update later insha’Allah.

Well Well Well…look what just popped in my inbox.

 Polygyny is the Sunnah

(Having more than one wife is the Sunnah)

Taken From

The Fatawaa of our

Shaykh, Allaama Mufti of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

Abdul Azeez bin Abdullaah Bin Baaz

Translated by

Abbas Abu Yahya

Question: is having more than one wife something permissible in Islaam or is it the Sunnah?

The Answer: Having more than one wife is the Sunnah if you have ability to do so due to the saying of Allaah The most high:

<<Then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. >> [Soorah an-Nisa:3]

And also due to the action of the Prophet - sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam – he had altogether nine women and Allaah made it a means for the Ummah to have benefited from them.

This is from the distinguished characteristics of the Messenger - sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam, as for other than him then it is not allowed to combine more than four.

As for having more than one wife then there are great benefits for men, women and all the Muslim Ummah. Indeed what is achieved/beneficial for everyone, by having more than one wife is lowering ones gaze, protection for the private parts, increase in offspring, that a man can look after the benefits of a large number of women and can defend them from causes of evil and deviances.

As for the one who is incapable of doing this and fears that he will not be just between them, then he should suffice with one due to the saying of Allaah Subhana:

<<But if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one>> [Soorah an-Nisa:3]

May Allaah give all the Muslims that which there is benefit for them and success for them in this world and the Hereafter.

[al-Balaag magazine no.1028]

All Praise belongs to Allaah, may His peace and blessings be upon our final Prophet Muhammad, his family, his Companions and all those who follow his guidance.

I think I’ve forgotten how to write. I honestly don’t even know how to start off this post. Anyway, I just want to drop a line or two to say that everything is all good - walhamduillah. Contrary to popular belief, my husband has not stopped me from blogging. Truth be told blogging is the last thing on our minds right now. We are actually in the midst of some very exciting times -masha’Allah. I’ll fill you guys in later - insha’Allah.

Updated: Salafitalk link is fixed. 

Something has been bugging me for a while now. However, since my husband received yet another phone call today regarding my recent post on the Q&A Sessions with The Shayook* - it made me wonder if all this concern is being spread to others as well. In recent years there has appeared a group, that has made it permissible to eat the flesh of the scholars and laymen alike. They will give various justifications for doing so. In one gathering, some brothers openly and unashamedly, referred to a well known and highly qualified TOP Alim as an ‘idiot’. It was OK for them to call him this, because they did so while just calling him by his name and removing the title ‘Shaykh’. By demoting his status, his flesh was no longer poison.

There are various other ways to backbite the inheritors of the Prophets (scholars), who are still in good standing with the people:

 1. Make it known that you are a Student of Knowledge.
2. Make it appear as though you are connecting the people to the Ulema.

3. Assure the people that you and your group are among the few (if not only) who truly revere the Ulema.

4. Make it seem like it really isn’t backbiting - but actually quite amusing.
5. Be sure to give the Shayook credit for being so humorous and laid back.
6. Confuse the people, by reminding them of certain attributes of the Prophet and as followers of his sunnah we are rewarded for imitating him. Assign said attribute to you and your party.

7. Proceed to backbite the scholar and feed your comments in or leave footnotes behind to help the people see things the way you want them to understand it (that your actions are in accordance with the Suunah).

  
8. Hit them with a double whammy, by admonishing those, “woe is so and so”, who may go too far - without acknowledging that you just did. 

9. Go around and be sure to mention the faults of everyone else and label them all deviants, while reminding them that you are from the saved sect, thus ensuring that if it even crossed the minds of a few for a moment - that what you had just done (exposed and/or backbit a scholar) was questionable - they would feel bad for having shubahaat (doubts) about the minhaj (or is it manhaj?).

One such example, has been floating around the web for a few years now and it is really mind boggling how some of the flock just go along with it, never pointing out the errors:

And finally the humor of our habeeb [Umm Adam: 'Our' hence, we're togther on this. 'Habeeb', see how much 'we' love him] Shaykh ud-deen al Albanee rahimahullaah ta aala

There was a young brother riding/sitting in the car with Shaykh al-Albanee rahimahullaah, and for those that knew the Shaykh he was a FAST driving masha’allaah he used to liiikkke to drive real fast and people had warned him about it “lol” [Umm Adam: I didn't know that. Did you? Exposing the Shaykh?] So the young guy turned to the Shaykh and said: “Yaa Shaykh you no Shaykh bin Baz rahimahullaah has said that its haram to drive like this” so the Shaykh replied: “the one who made that fatawa is a man that has never driven before” !! lol [Umm Adam: The Shaykh is blind that's why he has never driven before. Do you find that funny? I don't]so the young brother said: “im gunna go back and tell Shaykh what you said”!! [Umm Adam: At least he warned him first]

So when he got back to Shaykh bin Baz rahimahullaah he said: “I was ridding with Shaykh al-Albanee and he was driving REAL FAST and I told him that you said it was haram to drive like this and you no what he said”: ?? [Umm Adam: Why does this sound like a Gossip Monger? What was his intention for telling the Shaykh this? 1. Just to tale carry? or 2. To get a ruling, in which case it wouldn't be considered funny.]“The man who made that fatwa is a man that has never driven before, lolol, [Umm Adam: Why is that so funny?! A blind Shaykh has just been informed that another Shaykh - who allegedly is a wreckless driver - just made a joke about him being blind!]So Shaykh bin Baz said: “and the man who said that is a man who has never paid the blood money before” lol.. allaahu’akbar the humor of our habeebs masha’allaah [Umm Adam: Is it just me or does it seem like the Shaykh was NOT trying to be funny? Sounds like he was dead serious to me. So why was this interpretted as funny?!]

Alhamduillaah the Mashyakh are the inheritors of the Prophet salla allaahu alayhe wa sallaam, and we know that the prophet was known for his humor masha’allaah la haula wa la quwwata illa billaah.. We should try and act upon every sunnah as there is a great ajr alhamduilaah but insha’allaah with in the guidelines as narrated by rasool salla allahu alayhe wa sallaam who said: “Woe to the one who speaks and lies in order to make people laugh; woe to him, woe to him.” [Umm Adam: What about the other guidelines?] Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaa’i

May allaah subhanaahu wa ta’aala have mercy upon there souls ameen

Subhaanak Allaahumma Wa Bihamdika Ash-Hadu Anna Laa Ilaaha Illaa Anta Astagfiruka Wa Atoobu Ilayk

Excerpt taken from http://www.salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=11&Topic=4488

This was troubling to me for several reasons. One, is that, it has let me know how important it is to be-careful whose translations you take from. A translator can easily manipulate what’s being translated and even misrepresent it. In the above case, how do we know that this was not indeed a serious matter, being turned into a laughing matter? Wreck-less driving is serious! Killing a person and having to pay the blood money (as Shaykh Bin Baz noted), being forgiven by their family, having your life taken in exchange for the life you took,or having it settle on The Day of Judgement - IS SERIOUS! However, by the time this tale was carried to us, it had “lol” inserted after every serious thing. This has in my opinion confused the people, who are now spreading it around the web as a humorous post. Which may have been said in all seriousness! I can see brothers now, reading this, driving faster than ever, and laughing about it!

I read on another blog, a schedule of various classes offered by the Shayook. At the end, it was casually slipped in, that the poster had ‘caught’ the Shaykh putting his teeth in before the lecture, but the Shaykh was not embarrassed! I was shocked. Since when has it become permissible to expose something you ‘caught’ a person doing? I guess it is OK, if you make it seem like the Shaykh is ‘cool like that’ and wasn’t embarrassed. Even so, does that make it OK to tell others who may have had no idea that the Shaykh had artificial teeth?

I will give husnaan thunnn in  both examples and say that the carriers of these messages, were NOT intentionally backbiting the scholars. Maybe they were just excited about sharing something privy about them and did not realise that it could be considered backbiting. My concern is that, I have seen these copied, pasted and emailed around the Internet over and over, in a praiseworthy way. It makes me wonder if ANYBODY has brought this to the authors attention, that it may be considered backbiting* (I say maybe because  I have no idea if the Shayook mind this being said about them). Or is it that since it is often passed off as ‘beneficial knowledge’ or the person is known for their ‘ilm’ or their ‘manhaj’ then it is OK? But don’t let a bored housewife, had written that…Oh Hell naw! It would have been on. Every error I pointed out and then some would have been mentioned and exploited to the hilt.

*The Prophet (salla allahu alayhi wa salaam) defined backbiting when he said:  “Do you know what is meant by backbiting?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “To say something about your brother which he dislikes.” One asked, “Even if what I say is true about my brother?” He replied, “If such defects you say are true about him, then you have backbitten him, and if he doesn’t have what you say, then you have committed slander against him.” (Related by Muslim, Abu Dawood, and Tirmidhi)

* To all those concerned about the possibility of me being deported (not that I buy that, I believe this is an intimidation tactic to get me to close down my blog) and gave examples of others who have found themself in some sort of trouble; why compare apples with oranges? The Saudi blogger who was recently jailed, is a reformer in a sovereign country - there is a world of a difference between that and the ramblings of a bored housewife. Not to mention, you keep making the scholars and rulers of this country look petty, everytime you bring up the possibility of action being taken because of my blog. The only action that will be taken is if trouble makers go out of their way to create trouble for me…or worse give me the Ayn (evil eye) and I seek refuge in Allah from that. In the mean time, if you are seriously concerned about me and not just trying to shut me up, make dua for me. Barakallahu feek wa jazakallahu khayr!

Disclaimer: This is not to be taken as an insult to the Shayook.*

Most Western Muslim converts (at least the ones I know), tend to take their religion very serious. We want to get it right. Often times we will ask questions to the scholars that makes it difficult to answer - because they are coming from a totally different environment. Once upon a time, these special type of questions were put to the da’ees in our communities. Now that most of them have lost the respect and authority they once had in our communities; and we have been told that there are no scholars in the West; these western type questions are asked to scholars from the Muslim world. Who sometimes just don’t get it. I ran across this fatwa a moment ago and had to do a double take:

Question: If a person has a sexually transmitted disease that cannot be cured, and she is married can her husband take another wife?

Answer: It is upon the Muslim to marry the women that he is pleased with. Allaah تبارك وتعالى said:

فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاَثَ وَرُبَاعَ

{…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…} [an-Nisaa’ 4:3]

So there is no harm for him in doing so, even if his first wife has a disease or is sick. It is not incumbent upon him to let his second wife know the state of his first wife. If it is feared that the second wife may contract the disease from the first wife, then the solution will be to keep the second wife away from the first wife. This is the solution to this situation. However, as a reason for him to be prohibited from taking another wife, then no, because it is Allaah تعالى who has permitted him to take other wives as in His saying:

فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاَثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ

{…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess…} [an-Nisaa’ 4:3]

I don’t think the Shaykh understands exactly how a sexually transmitted disease is transmitted. Keeping the wives away from each other is NOT the solution. I think that there should be no shame in the translators clarifying this to all those who heard or read this fatwa.This indeed is a dangerous fatwa, because the Shaykh did not understand the implications of his ruling. Now brothers who know full well how STDs are transmitted, will play the role like they got a fatwa saying that as long as his wives are separated, it’s all good. Either the nature of STDs should have been properly explained to the Shaykh, once it was clear that he obviously had no idea what an STD was and how it is spread or the brothers in charge of translating this, should have explained that the Shaykh may have not completely understod the question and that this answer should be reconsidered in light of that.

This question, reminds me of another question asked to a Shaykh about the use of Adult Toys between the Spouses. After translating the question and answer, the translator added as a footnote:

This was a difficult question to translate, and even after our translation of the question with additional details added, the shaykh was still not sure exactly what was being asked about! May Allaah reward him generously for his patience.

I understand the need to ask, ‘those who know’, but do we realise that there are different types of knowledge and just because one is a learned Islamic scholar doesn’t make them ‘in the know’ to these types of questions. With that said, where do you go to get a Ghetto Fatwa?

*If anything, it is a testament to the virtues of living in the Muslim world, where vices are not so wide spread that these types of questions are common. If we posed this question to a celibate priest in the West, he would know exactly what was meant (minus the Islamic conditions). However, despite a Shaykh having several wives and a dozen children , this type of concern is unheard of walhamduillah.