Question To African American Muslim Supporters of Barack Obama

Tabarakallah raised some good questions on her blog. The questions are actually a response to a comment on her post  Thank you, Mr.President.

 …what do you support him in exactly? His views on homosexuality, on cloning, his proposals on middle east diplomacy? Or do you support him in his blackness? You can’t support him in his religious beliefs. So you proudly support what exactly? He says he is a proud supporter and protector of Isreal. Are you also? No, wait. Here’s the real question….. Would Prophet Muhammad support him? Would you see him standing PROUDLY at the voting booths, crying at his induction and jumping up and down with pleasure at his success?

…

I do not necessarily share all of the views expressed on her blog or this post, but her questions are enough to make you go, “hmmm”.

Just Thinking

As my header indicates, I am a black woman married to a white man. Obviously the children are mixed. Our particular combination is not very common. Most of the mixed kids I knew growing up had black fathers. So it is very rare that my children meet people with families like ours. Add to that that we are living in a foreign land.  They know many other mixed families, mostly my white friends married to Saudi men. For the longest I have been the only African American woman that they knew and their father has been the only white man they knew. Still, they knew white because  have many white friends, they know Arab because we are in an Arab land….but me and my nephew were the only black they knew (with the exception of brief encounters at Eid gatherings every year or so).

Now that we live in a more metropolitan area, they are exposed to many races. There are white men all over the place and they now have friends that have white Muslim fathers. We are also living closer to my African American friends so now I’m not the only AA woman they know. I even have a SISTAH do my hair once a week (no disrespect to the Filipina stylists who burned my scalp and fried my hair for almost 6 years!), so they get to play with AA kids on a regular basis now.

I’m not sure if my husband even noticed, or my kids, but I was just thinking about it.

The Race Card In Saudi…

…does NOT exist! I know this may sound strange, to African Americans in particular but it is true. Afro-Saudis consider them self Saudi and nothing else. They would probably faint if they even knew that I made a distinction here by referring to them as Afro-Saudis. They take what Allah has decreed for them in this life, as just that. Allah’s Decree. There is no concept of blame game. Nobody is keeping them down, they don’t blame ‘the man’, ‘the system’, or ‘slave mentality’. The race card here would be viewed as a sign of weakness.

There is a solidarity between them and tribal Saudis. If they feel they have been mistreated based on their color, they don’t complain about it. I believe to them it would be like putting out your dirty laundry.*

African Americans on the other hand have no problem soliciting sympathy from others. Don’t do that here…you won’t get any. All you will get is a lost of any respect they may have had for you as an American Citizen. You come over here talking about racism and the struggles we as a people have encountered, you will be viewed as a looser. Do not remind them that your people were once slaves. Do not give your Malcolm X conversion story. They will not find it fascinating that you use to be a pimp, drug dealer, and ex-con. Keep it simple and just praise Allah for guiding you to Islam, when asked. Same for the woman…the women will want to here about your sordid past, but don’t tell them about all your babies daddies and explain why all your kids have different last names. Keep it simple and just praise Allah for guiding you to Islam. The African American struggle does not impress them. They will not sympathise with you.

After being asked my nationality once and telling them I am American  – to be further questioned on my origins, I thought I would give a little history lesson. I tried to explain that I could not trace my roots the way they could, because of the history of slavery in America and how that also caused mixed races with blacks, whites, and Indians. They couldn’t believe I admitted to having slave blood. I’ve met black Saudis who deny their slave blood. They will tell you that their people came over as carpenters and traders but not slaves…maybe. Whatever reasons they may have, don’t bring your black nationalist mentality over here.*

Anyway, from a comment I made in the last post I just wanted to clarify that there really isn’t a race card to be played here. Everything is Qadr Allah wa masha fa al.

If you have to pull out anything here, let it be your American passport…

*It’s the same with the women here, they do not complain. You hear most of the complaints of so-called oppression coming from the big mouths in the West. You here most of the cries of racism coming from blacks from the west. While there are some who express a desire for change, I dare say the great majority of the weaker citizens (what the west views as weaker) i.e women and blacks, are content with the status quo.

* I’ve actually read on some forums a call for black pride/nationalism in the Gulf. Of course these were non-Gulf blacks making this call, because they don’t feel that the blacks here should acept their plight. Their plight really isn’t that bad.

Interesting News Article on Polygyny

I’m a little late posting this. Here are a few excerpts:

Clad in his Sunday sweatpants and a long blue Pakistani-style shirt, Ali, a 59-year old African American Muslim elder, popped in a DVD of “Big Love” – the HBO series about Mormon polygamists in Utah.

“Dude’s not handling this well at all,” he says as he watches Bill Paxton play an overburdened husband with three wives. “You know, I feel sorry for dude.”

Ali – who prefers to only use his first name – faces the challenges of polygamy every day. For 10 years, he’s been religiously married to two women, and lives with them under one roof in a working-class neighborhood of San Diego. Tuesday through Thursday he sleeps with his wife Hasanah on the first floor, then Saturday through Monday it’s upstairs with his second wife Asiila. That leaves his office, cluttered with photocopies of Quranic sayings and dusty pictures of relatives in hijab, as his only private room in the house.

“We get our time off, we got a sisterhood thing going on,” chuckles Asiila, 50, Ali’s wife of 15 years. She crosses her ankles underneath her overhead khimar, a black dress that covers her from head to toe. “To me, polygyny (polygamy) is for the woman. It’s really for the woman.”

This San Diego family’s life is part of a small but increasingly visible phenomenon of African American Muslims practicing polygamy, according to Debra Mubashir Majeed, associate professor and chairwoman of philosophy and religious studies at Beloit College in Wisconsin. For her research, she surveyed more than 400 Black Muslims and interviewed more than 15 polygamists.

“Most African American women who are into polygyny do so by choice,” says Majeed, adding that their reasons range from their interpretation of the Quran, to desire for independence, to needing a father for their children.

She says that a shortage of marriageable black Muslim men may be one reason polygamy is embraced.

“With the high number of African American men in prison, on drugs, out of work, or unavailable in some other way … the options are limited,” Majeed said.

I’m not sure if this is an offensive statement or not! It may explain the male POV but not the female.

Mohamed El Sheikh, executive director of the Islamic Jurisprudential Council of North America, said that many American converts to Islam, of all races and ethnicities, are already accustomed to having multiple sexual partners.

“After accepting Islam, some have continued this practice by giving the status of spouse to their sexual partners using the Islamic law,” El Sheikh said.

I remember when this sister was blogging.

Thirty-eight-year-old Azeez of upstate New York says the current shortage of eligible African American men justifies his plural Islamic marriage. The former Olympic wrestler converted to Islam 18 years ago and works as a technician.

“You have all these women out there,” he said, “and Allah has given a remedy to a situation.”

Azeez splits his week between two wives, who live half an hour away from each other. He fully supports his first wife, and is a father to his second wife’s son from another relationship. He says he didn’t consider taking on more than one wife, until he got a raise and the second wife agreed to help financially support herself.

“If it’s for you,” he said, “then Allah will make it easy for you.”

His 22-year-old first wife, who refers to herself as Miz Azeez, recently published diary-style writings about her marriage in “Polygynous Blessings: Musings of a Muslim Wife.” Her love for Allah, she says, frees her from dependence on her husband.

“With passionate love, and the whole concept of love in American culture … They put (their husband) up to a status like Allah. Like this is their life source, like if that person leaves, they’re dead – that’s it, life can’t go on. I don’t have that type of love for my husband.”

Miz Azeez says sharing her husband brings her closer to him and to God. After a year and a half of living in polygamy, she says she would never live any other way.

This story is pretty typical.

It wasn’t as easy for one anonymous 53-year-old American Muslim woman in the Washington, D.C., area to share her husband. After they had five children together, he took on other women, a total of four on separate occasions. When the international entrepreneur married a woman in a Muslim country, the first wife found herself financially insecure and alone for months at a time.

“I was just not prepared to include another family in that struggle,” she said, about her decision to divorce her husband after 10 years of polygamy. “I felt forced to rise to the occasion, and I felt I as the current wife had some rights.”

You can read the entire article here

Rulings Regarding Holding the Mushaf

I guess I could wait a little closer to Ramadan to post this as a reminder, but no better time than the present. This is one of the things that annoyed me most in the States. You could be praying taraweeh and half of the congregation would be holding up mushafs. Many thought they were killing two birds with one stone by praying and completing their reading. I will tell you, I have not seen ONE PERSON holding a mushaf  during taraweeh since I have been in Saudi. And you know what? At any given time the Imaam may be corrected by several dozens of other hafeeth WITHOUT them holding the mushaf. So there goes that excuse…

Rulings Regarding Holding the Mushaf

during the

Taraweeh Prayer

The Fatawa from the Three Imaams of our Time

Al-Albaani, Ibn Baz & Ibn Uthaymeen

Collected by

Luqmaan bin Abee al-Qaasim Abu Abdullah al-Aajuree

Sahab.net

Translated by

Abbas Abu Yahya

1- Shaykh, Allaama, Muhadith of the Islaamic Lands Muhammad Nasir Deen al-Albaani – May Allaah have mercy upon him.

Questioner:  Is it permissible for the person following the Imaam in prayer- especially in the Taraweeh prayer – to stand behind, holds the Mushaf and follows the Imaam by looking at it?

The Shaykh:   No, no, no, this is not from the Sunnah.

Questioner:  If he did this is his prayer accepted?

The Shaykh:  His prayer is accepted.

Questioner:  But we say it is against the Sunnah?

The Shaykh:  Yes.

Taken from Silsilah Huda wa Noor tape no. 679

2-  The Noble Shaykh, Allaama, Abdul Azeez Bin Baz – May Allaah have mercy upon him.

Question:  What is the ruling regarding the one who holds and carries the Mushaf in the Taraweeh prayer?

Answer:  I do not know an origin for this action; but what is apparent is that he should have humility and be at ease and not hold a Mushaf.  Rather he should put his right hand on his left hand like in the Sunnah, placing his right hand on his left hand, the wrist and forearm and place them on his chest.  This is the stronger opinion and better, while holding the Mushaf busies him from following this Sunnah.

Also, reviewing the Mushaf and the Ayaat may busy his heart and his eyesight from listening to the Imaam.  So, what I see is leaving off this action is the Sunnah, and he should listen and remain quiet and he should not use a Mushaf. If he has knowledge then he can prompt the Imaam if he forgets or someone else can prompt him.

The let’s assume that the Imaam makes a mistake, and no one prompts him.  This mistake has no harm in other than the recitation of al-Fatiha.  This harm is specific to al-Fatiha, because al-Fatiha is a Rukn (pillar) which is most necessary.  As for him leaving to recite some Ayaat in other than al-Fatiha, then this does not harm him, if there is no-one who is praying behind him to make him aware of the mistake.

If someone holds a Mushaf behind the Imaam due to necessity, then perhaps there is no problem with that.   As for everyone to hold a Mushaf, then this is against the Sunnah.

Question:  Some of those who pray behind the Imaam, follow the Imaam using a Mushaf while he is reciting.  Is there a problem in doing that?

Answer:  What is apparent to me is that this should not be done. It is more befitting to concentrate in the prayer and have khushoo, and place the hands on the chest reflecting upon what the Imaam is reciting.  This is due to the saying of Allah Azza wa Jal:

{{  When the Qur’aan is being recited, then listen to it and remain silent, perhaps you will have mercy sent upon you  }}

also the saying of Allah Subhaanu:

{{  Indeed the believers are successful. Those who offer their Salat (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness.  }}

Furthermore, due to the saying of the Prophet –sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam: 

“Most certainly the Imaam has been made to be followed; so if he makes the Takbeer then you make the Takbeer, and if he recites then remain quiet.”

Taken from the booklet: ‘Ajwaab as-Saheeh min Ahkaam Salaat al-layal wa Taraweeh’

3- Shaykh Allaama Muhammed bin Salih al-Uthaymeen – May Allaah have mercy upon him.

Question: What is the ruling of holding the Mushaf by those who are praying the Taraweeh prayer in Ramadaan with the proof that they are following the Imaam?

Answer:  Holding the Mushaf for this aim is opposing the Sunnah and that is from different angles:

1.  The person looses out on placing the right hand on the left while he is standing in prayer.

2. It leads to many movements for which there in no necessity from opening the Mushaf, closing it and placing it under the armpit, in a pocket, etc.

3. In reality it busies a person praying with his movements.

4. The praying person looses out by not looking at the place of Sajdah; majority of the scholar hold the opinion that looking at the place of Sajdah is the Sunnah and is better.

5.  The person holding the Mushaf could perhaps forget that he is in the prayer if his heart is not attentive. Contrary to this if he has khushoo in his prayer, placing his right hand on his left, with his head bowing down towards the place of his sajdah, then this would make him closer to being aware that he is praying and that he is behind the Imaam.

Question:  Noble Shaykh was asked:  What is the ruling of following the Imaam using a Mushaf in the prayer?

Answer:  The Noble Shaykh answered by saying:  Following the Imaam by using a Mushaf means that the praying person holds and reads a Mushaf to follow the Imaam’s recitation.  If there is need for this, whereby the Imaam has a weak memory, and it is said to one of the people praying:  ‘Take a hold of the Mushaf and prompt me if I a mistake.’  Then there is no problem in doing this since there is a need for it.

As for it being in any other way; then I do not see it permissible for a person to follow the Imaam by reading the Mushaf; since he looses out on what is required and falls in to that which is disliked.  He looses out by not looking at the place of sajood, and also by placing the hands on the chest which is from the Sunnah.  He falls into that which is disliked as a result of the movement of holding the Mushaf, opening it, closing it, and placing it down, There is no need for all these movements.

The people of knowledge have said that it is Makrooh (disliked) to move in the prayer if there is not a need for it, because it negates the perfection of khusoo in the prayer, some of the scholars even said:  that the movements of the eyes nullifies the prayer, because the eyes will follow the recitation from the beginning of the line to the end of the line, then from beginning of the second line to the end of the line, etc.  Along with all this, there are many letters and many words, as such there would be a lot of movements for the eyes, and this nullifies the prayer.

So, my advice for my brothers is that they leave this matter and they return themselves to having khusoo without looking at Mushaf.”

Taken from : ‘Majmoo’ Fatawaa ash-Shaykh’ ques. 819

My Family Drama

There was a comment left on another entry that I will address here. I hate hijacked threads. It’s something many would consider private, even myself but it needs to be clarified since it was put out there. I wrote this with no hard feelings or animosity. When you blog about fragments of your life, people often time do not get the whole picture. Not that it is anybodies business, but the Prophet salla Allahu Alayhi wa Salaam, would do what he could to remove suspicion from him. In this case some suspicion and doubt have been placed on my husband and I that I would like to shed some light on.

• MyopicVision Says:
  July 30th, 2007 at 5:42 am eAssalamu Alaykum
  …As for your issues with your childen. May Allah make that easy for you.
  Your nephew is only a reflection of his upbringing..and forgive me sister..but you raised him. What did you do?…Or didnt you do to cause him to have such an angry attitude towards your husband and children? Your husband sounds rather ignorant. To me you seem like a strong woman of color. whether you are wheat, coco or ebony. What have you done to influence your husband? Maybe him seeing your husband say dubious things(mulatto??!) hasnt helped him. Maybe he feels like the ugly duckling because he is the only “black” family member. I mean if you “pass”.Your kids “pass” then what about him?
  Dont be mad at me for pointing out what I see. I have three children. I call them my Benetton kids due to the advertising campaign of United Colors of Benetton. My three sons all vary in complexion. One is ‘red bone”..another a rich lovely chocolate. I have worked very hard to give each child self esteem as relates to themselves and their brothers. As a result I never hear my children tease eachother because of color.Now they tease eachother due to fat or bad haircuts but never ever complexion.
  I also have a 2 yr old. He is bi-racial. He looks like his rather white skinned latino father. He takes after his father. One of my biggest worries was how would my children react to a child that was so obviously different. Alhamdulillah they have had No issues at all. They call him their little puertorican brother and thats cool with me. Spanish people think Im panamanian. They are surprised when i tell them i am jamaican with a cuban grandfather. My point? Its all down to you and what they see in their environment and you being the parent get to control that environment.
  Last note..i was married to a white brother who was racist. I consider him racist because he referred to black people as monkeys. When I stepped to him about it…he said i was different. i was ‘alright”.
  Suffice it to say i kicked him to the kerb and kept it moving….
  MV

MV, my nephew is brain damaged. Nothing he does is a reflection of his upbringing. He was a mentally, physically, and emotionally abused and neglected child when my husband <b>insisted</b> that we take him in. The damage was done to him in the womb. I don’t know ANY brothers who would have put up with the things we have had to endure. He gets more attention and material things than all of our children combined. He is a challenging child to raise.

He is jealous that he is not the only person in my life anymore. We have always been very close (remember all my little Woo Woo post before Saudah was born?). He even had sympathy pregnancy symptoms when I was pregnant with Saudah.  I have been taking care of him since his mothered abandoned him at 6 months old. Only I had the help of my mother and brother then. I was away from him for a year and then my dh and I got custody of him. The resentment grew for my husband as he got older because my husband tried to enforce Islamic values on him and make him do chores that any other family member his age would do. And yes shaytaan would come to me at times and make me angry with my dh every time they had a fight over taking the garbage out and I would tell him, “he’s not your slave!” If I ask my husband to do something and he tells me to have my nephew do it, I get angry. This is from Shaytaan.

Now that we know he has Fetal Alcohol Effects, we have been advised by a Shaykh that the pen is more than likely lifted from him so not to stress ourselves out if he misses the salat at the masjid, or wears his pants too long, etc (things that were causing major problems for my dh and him and making me want to kill them both). Now we are concentrating on how we can get him to possibly live slightly independent as an adult and to keep him out of trouble.

My nephew has caused a lot of friction in our marriage. Sometimes I feel I have to choose between the two of them. Also, many well meaning people who don’t have a clue always has so much advice for us. Half the people tell me we need to get him out of our house and focus on our kids. Others say it is cruel to even put him in boarding school and that he is our responsibility. I once had a friend (American married to Saudi), who asked if she could raise him. She thought that my husband and I were inexperienced, too new of a couple, and the other children in our home were too young. She went to a Shaykh and got permission to give him breast milk from a cup, even though he was 11 years old and told that she could be his foster mother.

My nephew is very impressionable young man. Handsome and articulate…so it must be our fault when he misbehaves. We let them have a shot, after warning them and advising them that it was not as simple as they thought. I cried the entire time he was gone. The house was a lot less chaotic and my husband and I got along a lot better. I was not as easily frustrated with my own children. However, I felt like I failed and abandoned my nephew. He was loving being away, because everything is an adventure for him. After a week they bailed out. They returned him, saying he was our responsibility and that he was corrupting their children. They could not get him to do chores or recite Quran with enthusiasm and were worried for their children as their kids looked up to him and thought he was cool so they started slacking off. The same Shaykh told them that since I was family we had to have him, then a year later they went back to the same Shaykh and told him some other stuff (they had taken him to a fast food restaurant and he took some buns that were by the storage room door and passed them out to all the kids) and the Shaykh told them it was haram for him to be in our house because he was corrupting our children. Every since then my dh has cut all emotional ties with him and now he resents having him here. Even after I put him in a boarding school that my mother is killing herself to pay for!

Once he cut my daughters hair out (took the whole braid and cut it). I told him to stay in his room while we ran to the salon to even it out. He threw a fit so bad it scared my dh. He started going into convulsions and babbling. My husband said please let him come with us…look at him. So we said come on. As soon as we said it, he jumped up and hopped in the car and talked nonstop witha big happy smile. Another time, he had done something and we had to run a quick errand. I told him to stay home and to stay in his room and not come out. When I got home every light in the house was on so I knew he was out of his room. My husband was unloading the car when I came in and immediately noticed the computer on. It was surrounded with all of the things he considered precious. He left word open with a suicide note saying by the time we read it he would be dead. Willed his boys handbook and soccer book to my dh and told me he loved me. Told us not to look in the laundry room because that is where we would find his body. I stumbled out to the car and told my husband, fell down , and actually wet myself! My husband lost all the color in his face and told me to stay outside with the kids. He looked so sick and pathetic. He searched the house for him and didn’t find him. I asked him to look in his room and he found him in the bed. He checked him and saw he was alive and woke him up. I was so hurt and angry and happy at the same time. But I couldn’t look at him. I had already accepted that he was dead and seeing him was freaking me out. He just kept smiling and saying “what…what I do?” I had a friend stay with me briefly when we were in America. My nephew had misbehaved that day and we did not want to reward him by taking us to run errands (we were going to apply for passports). We left him at hoe with her and came back to a war zone. She reads my blog and I’m sure she will understand what we are dealing with. She had to physically restrain him!

This past year he has improved so much (the boarding school is perfect for him…he gets well balanced meals, no junk food, no skipping meals or late meals, plenty of physical and recreational activities, a completely structured and supervised environment), alhamduillah and now the only problems we have out of him is his resentment,laziness, and irresponsibility. He and my dh avoid each other, so it is really my issue. I deal with it alone with no support. He doesn’t even always resent them. It’s how his brain works. He doesn’t think before he talks, he just blurts out. So my dh could have just taken him shopping, gave him spending money or whatever, Saudah could be being extra nice to him and he could be in a great mood – then all of a sudden out of nowhere comes some evil comment. I believe that shaytaan whispers to him and without the eemaan or sense he does not have the strength to fight him off. This is why he has to have constant structure and supervision. This is why I am grouch and exhausted and don’t have time to take care of myself. This week he is with my surgeons family (took my gall bladder out and has been a family friend every since), so I have had time to come on and blog. The two weeks before when I hadn’t been on the blog, is because I have to watch him non-stop. He came home and told me how some boys torture other kids by giving wedgies and twisting their nipples. I told him well we don’t play like that in this house and do not teach the kids. One day I was on the computer, with my door open and kids in full view. My daughter screams and comes crying to me that he pinched her. She later showed me her chest where he twisted her nipple. It was bruised all over. She said she was too embarrassed to tell me before and begged me not to get on the computer anymore. I felt awful cuz I pride myself in always keeping an eye on the kids. She cried and said, “Don’t tell Abi…he’ll be mad at [nephew]”. Part of the damage he has is that he lacks good judgement and is impulsive. So even though, he was told not to do that to my daughter he did. The bad judgment can kill somebody wa authu billah. He picked up his big size 10 roller blade the other day and swung it full force at Saudah’s head, she got out of the way but instead it hit her hip and leg and bruised the left side of her body. He did this right in front of me…it’s could have killed her if it hit her head!

As far as him passing. He fits in here better than all of us! He and I are the same, but I don’t speak Arabic. Once I open my mouth it’s over! Saudis completely accept him and treat him like there own. The boy has been getting marriage offers since we came here. Mostly from white Saudis, until the other night at the black walima when they tried to hook him up. There is a Moroccan woman who keeps calling the house inquiring about him. I met another Moroccan woman a few weeks ago and she told me to tell her when it’s time for him to get married, because she wants to find him a wife. If he was in America he would be a fitnah for some little girl. He is a cutie and a sweetie pie. He’s tall and in good shape. Having adorable dimples gets him a lot of attention. In Bahrain I had a Bahraini woman tell me not to send him to the store because he was very attractive and they had bad men who grabbed kids. Everybody that knows him loves him. He is very likable. He just has issues.

 However, he is embarrassed to be seen with us. If I ask him to help with the kids in public, he doesn’t want to because he thinks people will look at him funny. He was once told to get away from them by someone who didn’t know he was suppose to be with them. I think he is more jealous that they have both of their parents who love and care for us and he misses that. He loves hs mother and father with all of his heart but neither of them ever tries to contact him. Teasing my kids about being white is just a smoke screen. He teases Saudah about being fat, Ramlah for having a big nose, and Adam for having a big head. He drew a picture of the whole family and it said “The Big Family.” He resents our family, because he wants his own. I pray that Allah gives him a loving family of his own someday…Allahumma aamen.

On my FASD group, I have read many caretakers say that once their child found a significant other in their lives…things improved tremendously. FASD children are very charming. I often think some some of these good for nothing men who can sweet talk any woman has FASD cuz one of the traits is that language wise they are highly sophisticated. My nephew is fluent in Arabic and can parrot any dialect after sitting with you for a few minutes. He can speak with basically any Arab in any dialect. He can even detect a Shia…right away because he said their accent is disgusting and harsh. He picked up on French and Spanish with very little effort and went on a 10 day safari to Tanzania African in May and came back teaching me some of the language.

My husband and I have made many sacrifices raising him, yet all we get is constant criticism. When he started using bad words at the Saudi Schools, they told my dh that the children there do not use such language and implied he got it in the house. My dh told them we do not speak Arabic in the house, so where did he learn the words? Saudi kids have filthy mouths, but they’d rather blame us. Even the school he is in now, faults me for his low grades. They say I don’t encourage him to succeed and do better. He’s peaked academically, there is nothing I can  do. We hire tutors and everything just to make sure someone sits with him to make sure he gets all his work done. The tutors, who really like him, eventually have to give up. It’s exhausting. My FASD list scares the hell out of me! I had to unsubscribe because everyone was advising me to get some help for myself and told horror stories of caretakers who have suffered horrible physical and mental conditions as a result. Stress will kill you or deteriorate you! When they found out I had my own kids to raise as well they said to put him in a home. Most of these parents adopted these kids from Russia, Romania, and Native North Americans (Indians on reservations have a huge drinking problem) and did not know they had FASD. You don’t hear much about African Americans with FASD cuz our kids are overlooked and just considered bad. So they end up a different statistic. Dead or in jail. That’s what I’m trying to save my nephew from.

Allahu Musta’aan.

As for my husband being an ignorant racist. It’s possible! No, really, he is a typical suburban white boy who had no exposure to minorities. He isn’t racist but he holds some racist and sexist views and was raised by racist parents. He often reminds me of Archie Bunker. We argue over stuff like Affirmative Action. Me being for it, him being against it. Him thinking every black with a good job only got it after AA beat some poor qualified white guy out of a job and gave it to some unqualified minority. He doesn’t mean any harm. This is how he was raised to think. He does not treat people based on their race. He treats everyone fairly. If I were to be honest, I’ve heard worst things said by African American Muslims about whites then I have ever heard him say (and he really doesn’t say anything). I have had an African American Muslim, ask me if my husband smelled like a wet dog, another ask me directly about the size of his private part, and one tell me that she could never marry a white man because of what she heard about white men! My husband would never say such things. His thoughts come from his past and his republican views (he’s not a republican anymore). He’s a good man with good character. Unfortunately, we are from a culture that inbreeds certain ways of thinking and places certain stereotypes on people. He doesn’t mistreat my nephew, but at the same time he doesn’t know how to raise a child with his issues. He provides and maintains for him as he does all of his children, and the love, affection, and nurturing I provide (as I do for all of my children). We are not perfect.

Racism and Colorism In Saudi

I received an email that I would like to respond to on my blog. 

Salaam Umm Adam,
    Let me first say that I am happy that you are taking the time to answer my questions. No worry, you do not have to be an expert to answer my questions I just would like to know your opinions.

Due conversations with acquaintances, friends and even family members who have worked in the Middle-East and my own brief experience in Dubai, I am now under the impression that many Arabs have negative if not very racist attitudes towards Africans (also South-Asians and Filipinos).

I have heard stories from Somali and Ethiopian refugees now living in the DC area of young Saudi kids insulting them or sometimes throwing rocks at them while walking on the streets.
Filipina domestics physically beaten, raped or going months without pay.
South-Asian workers not paid but still required to work under the burning sun.
Africans being constantly being called “abeed” by young and old.
My brother-in-law’s mother (Chadian) cannot count the number of times she was called “abeed” or “zurga” and was even deported because she complained about the fact that her employer had not paid her for several months.

I used to think that the Saudis would be more tolerant because a significant part of the Saudi population appears to be African or at least of mixed-heritage. But I guess colorism  amongst Saudis is probably as bad as it is amongst Indians.

As a black-American woman living in KSA, what’s your impression? Are you treated relatively well? What is your relation with Afro-Saudis? How do your kids interact with local kids?

Thanks for your thoughts.

BTW: Great blog!

Wow! This is a really heavy topic. I actually am not the best person to answer this question. My family has not personally experienced situations like those you have heard of. I have heard of similar stories, but not first hand accounts. Always people who know someone that had this happen to them. I don’t doubt it happens. Unfortunately, racism and nationalism are evils from their pre-Islamic lifestyles that remain in their culture to this day. You will find that the more religious try harder to treat everyone fairly and just.

My family has many Saudi acquaintances. That’s as close as it gets. It’s hard to consider them close companions even though they are very good to us. Saudis are tribal so you won’t get too close. They usually are only close with family, it’s not racist just reality.

It is true that Saudi has a large population of African descendants as well as mixed heritage nationals. I have seen blacks in very prominent positions here. They are given the same opportunities as anyone else. Here it is all about wasta (connections) and there are blacks with wasta too.

Colorism, is an issue here. This week I’ve gone to two walima’s (wedding parties). I don’t ordinarily mix with Afro-Saudis but this week I did. The first wedding was an all black wedding. There were a handful of non-black guest (mostly trashy Arabs) a disturbing amount of morbidly obese people, and a few non-black wives.

Last night’s walima was for a mixed heritage cousin from the same family. Marrying a white (that’s what they call them not me) Saudi. The venue and guest were very different than the previous. The hall was very elegant and posh. The guest were mostly mixed heritage and white. The women’s dresses and makeup were tasteful, they appeared healthier and in better shape. The black cousins from the previous walima were there. They self segregated themselves and took wall seats and remained fully veiled the entire night. I could not help to make this observation, because the night before they were flaunting their tackiness. It was obvious that they felt completely out of their element and also obvious that the majority mixed raced cousins were trying to distance themselves from the black side of the family as much as possible. I think Tariq Nelson does an excellent job explaining this phenomenal on his blog, The New ‘Passing’ .

I was once befriended by an Afro-Saudi family. They wanted me to find them white husbands. Their mixed cousins (Syrian mom/Afro-Saudi dad) came right out and told me that they wanted to lighten the family up. They were making progress and not going back. With their black father dead and out of the picture they blended in just fine. The oldest son took dad’s job at the oil company, the house was paid for upon his death, the government supported them, and the father’s/son’s boss married his white daughter to the son and since I couldn’t/wouldn’t find white husbands for the daughters they have all settled for white Saudis. There will be no trace of black in their family, and they want it that way. 

I was hesitant to discuss this topic on my blog. I am asked it so much. I don’t think blacks are treated nearly as bad as other nationalities. African Americans are known to whip out their passports as soon as they detect a problem, so maybe we can not fully relate. Saudis are more nationalistic than racist. Even the blacks love their country. The hit song last night was called Ashsha Saudiyyah (Long Live Saudi). Once the the band played that everybody jumped up, many pulled out national flags, and even the people who were just sitting danced on that one.

Hijrah To KSA: Are There Salafee Communities and Where Are The Salafee Scholars In Saudi?

I am frequently asked this question, or a derivative thereof. I often hesitate to answer it for fear of backlash from answering without knowledge. Nonetheless I’d like to share what goes though my mind when I am asked this question. Note these are my thoughts, not a cut and paste answer.

The question is rooted in the desire to find this salafee utopia. I’ve been Muslim for a while now and in the beginning I used to be one of those who envisioned this utopia where everyone is a part hive minded collective calling themselves “salafee”, everyone in town is sitting with an approved Shaykh, there are abundant good paying jobs, nice clean streets, no racism, and modern technology.

This is the realization that people have to come to: It does not exist. NO PLACE IS PERFECT.

Saudi Arabia is a Muslim country. Not only is it a Muslim country, but it is one that prides itself for preserving the sunnah, applying the Sharia, and encouraging and making readily available Islamic knowledge. Saudi is also a tribal country and you will have tribes with various people in them. You will have to search hard to find a tribe, village, neighborhood, or family, where all members have the same level of eemaan, taqwa, knowledge, and everyday application of Islam. I doubt you can find a single salafee family or tribe here, how likely will you find a salafee community? As a matter of fact the majority of the religious people here weren’t always religious and have rediscovered their deen. This may not be for the scholars, because most of them were raised to upon sound Islamic Tarbiyah.

When I’m asked about where the salafees are, the first thing I think is why ask me a foreigner? Sure it’s because I’m who you have access to, but really a question like that could never be answered by someone who does not know the country like the locals. Now ask a local and they will look at you like you are crazy. Why? Because to them if you are not rafaadee (they have their communities) then you are sunni/salafee. The common Saudi will not know exactly what you mean by that and will point out the nearest Mutawwa. To them Mutawwa = Salafee. The more savvy Saudi will note the difference between the Muttawa with the iqal on his shammaq/ghutra and the one without. Depending on what you believe a salafee is and what they believe a salafee is –  you will be led to believe different things about the ones who wear the iqal and don’t. 

Unless of course, one is referring to salafiyyah in a Western Muslim mentality of some clique and not salafiyyah as in the true and correct Islam with all its implications. I say this, because I had the privilege to be invited to a Western Salafee Eid gathering one year. About five families from Riyadh came to the gathering. One of the sisters, informed me that she would “only vouch for the salafiyyah” of two of the other sisters there. She explained to me that Riyadh had many families claiming salafiyyah but they were not ‘clear salafees and that as far as she was concerned there were only three salafee families in Riyadh. Later, she mentioned a friend of mine who lives in Jeddah and told me that “She’s a hizbi and I hate her for the sake of Allah!” When I told her that my friend claims to be salafee and even studies with one of the Shaykhs that she takes from, she insisted that this was not true. She told me that there were only three salafee families in all of Jeddah and that she knew all of the families that sat in the Shaykh’s talk and that my friend was NOT one. I told her that she may be aware of all the English speakers that sat in the small translated halaqa but that my friend and her children sat with the Arabic speakers and that surely there were more than 3 salafee families in Jeddah and Riyadh. We disagreed on this point. Her last words on the matter being that if my friend wanted to claim salafiyyah then she needed to speak to her first and clear herself. So when someone ask me who and where the salafees are, they are asking the wrong person and should ask this sister instead and according to her there are 3 in Jeddah and 3 in Riyadh, so I wouldn’t exactly call that a community.

Before my husband became Muslim, he was given dawah by a Saudi. Shortly after moving here, my husband was visited by an American Salafee. This Saudi who gave him dawah took him and the American Salafee out one day. One of the trips was to a bookshop. The American Brother purchased several books and tapes by Shaykh Rabee. He showed them to the Saudi brother. The Saudi asked him why was he focusing on the works of that one Shaykh which were over his head, considering he couldn’t even speak Arabic. The brother starting arguing with him via my husband who had to translate everything! Later the brother went back to Riyadh and spread the word that my husband is friends with a hizbi who hates the Salafees and the Mashaykh! My husband informed the Saudi of this who said nothing of it. Later he called my husband and asked him to accompany him on a trip to Riyadh. There he took my husband to meet many of the Ulema. He met the Grand Muftee, Shaykh Fawzan, and went to the home of Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (who some salafee brothers called an ‘idiot’ to my husband). The Saudi man is well known with the Shayook and has a binder full of Shahadah’s, Tazkiyah’s, and Ijazah’s from the most prominant of them such as Shaykh Bin Baz and Shaykh Uthameen. He writes many books but uses a pen name because he refutes those such as the rafadees and he lives in the Eastern Province which has a huge Rafadee community. While sitting with Shaykh Fawzan, he mentioned to him that some American brothers were warning against him and calling him a Hizbi. Shaykh Fawzaan shook his head, laughed told the brother that his work is good and beneficial, to continue and to put icing on the cake, told the brother to give him the manuscript of the book that he had written and earlier shown the Shaykh because he wanted to write the forward for it! So according to this American Salafee brother, the Saudi da’ee is a Hizbi, but according to the many Ulema who he is well known amongst, he is praiseworthy.

Bottom line is that this is a moot point. IMHO it should be a mute point! Why? Because once you have made it over here, you will realise the the main concern is looking out for your family. You are already surrounded by Muslims. Find a location to live that is good for your family. The people and students of knowledge are abundant here and you will not have to look far to seek knowledge. If you limit yourself to the handful of students recommended by the Shaykhs who were recommended by the mouth pieces of the Western Muslim communities, you will be at a lost that’s if you want to study, everybody can’t be a student). The schools and masajid here are not established and founded upon who is on the manhaj and who isn’t. I have heard of brothers not praying in their local Masjid, because the there is no salafee masjid in their area, so they travel on Jumuah to attend the nearest salafee masjid. This is ridiculous! The masajid here are all government ran and all of the Imams are Government appointed. To be able to speak at the masjid after the prayer, it must be approved. Some of the ‘known’ (by Westerners but Saudies don’t know who you are talking about) Salafee Shayook have been reduced to doing the same things as some of the ‘hizbi’ Shaykhs and that is to grab the mic after the prayer without permission in hopes of doing a quick talk before being kicked out. Others are Imams of their neighborhood masjid and others have talks in their home or are invited to speak at gatherings. I’ve also been told of sisters being boycotted for going to a Quran school in Riyadh that is connected to a masjid with an Imaam that they do not approve of!

My advice is not to concern yourself with where the salafees are in KSA. After all this is the Land of Tawheed, you are not coming here for a Salafee community. If that’s your number one priority move to Philly. More than likely, what you mean by Salafee anyway, will be few and far between and there is no community based on that. Simply find a good job and if you have several options choose the one that is best for your deen and your dunyah. After that choose your companions wisely based on the Book and the Sunnah, work on your deen, be kind to your neighbors, keep the ties of your family that you left behind, establish an Islamic home for your family and fear Allah in all that you do.

Salafiyyah (Islam) is a way of life a Muslim should try to aspire to and not a cultish members only movement where people can expel who they want. This is why the concept of this question would be lost of most people in Saudi Arabia. They don’t look at Salafiyyah as a movement or cult as Westerners do. Salafiyyah includes raising your children properly, working and providing for one’s family, being neighborly and all of these things even if the people are not saying the word “salafee” at all. It is a natural thing and not a robotic cult.

The Quest To Find The Perfect Haflah Dress & My Diplomacy

It’s that time of the year again! Party Time! I started my oldest daughter in school here when she was three years old. The rowdah (preschool) would have a big bash at the end of the year and the parents would have to go out and buy these ‘Cinderella’ dresses for the girls. Each class would have a specific color and fabric. In first grade, the school sent a tailor to the school and he made the dresses. This year she is at an overcrowded public school and they aren’t doing anything. However, her tafeedth (Quran Memorization) school is having a haflah (party) Monday, insha’Allah. So today we went out and bought the dresses. Saudi doesn’t have dressing rooms, so you can’t try them on until you get home. I had a feeling they would be a little tight, because the ready made clothes here are designed for little Barbie doll kids and my kids have full American blood in them and are on the chunky healthy side, masha’Allah.

 

My four year old was able to squeeze into her dress, but if she breathes then it’s over! I usually, unzip the dress in the back and have them step into it, pull it up, and zip them up. Well I couldn’t zip it. So I pulled it over her head and she wiggled it though. I can only imagine what it was like to wear a corset back in the day.

My poor seven year old, didn’t have a chance. When she was a baby I called her my Chunky Monkey, she still is. She cried so bad. Get over it kid, life’s a fitnah! We tried both ways to get her in the dress to no avail. It was the perfect length too and it looked really nice on her-masha’Allah, but we couldn’t zip it up in the back. I really like these dresses because they were dirt cheap. I usually spend more on the dress but this party is not as formal as the other ones. I’ll have to return the dresses in the morning, which I will dread due to the heat, but my tafeedth haflah is tomorrow night (ladies only…no kids!!! My first time out with no kids insha’Allah!).

I have realised that my calling in life should have been to be a diplomat. This country is weird in that it is extremely nationalistic in every way you can imagine. This means that people usually only hang out with their own and don’t really get to know each other. As an American Muslim, we don’t really have our own, so we tend to mix with any and everybody. My children play with the locals as well as children from various nationalities and this is usually a first time experience for the other kids when they all meet up at my house. The other night three sets of parents were at my house. A Saudi, a Sudani, and a Kashmiri. This was their first time meeting each other and the Saudi had a blast. Masha’Allah, I am privileged in that most people have never met an American Muslim so they invite me to their homes or call and ask if they can visit me. I told the women that as soon as my backyard is complete, I would like to have a monthly international social at my home. They were all very excited about it.

Which leads me to the tafeedth party. My daughter was the only non Arab at the tafeedth school, and we told her Hindi friend and kashmiri friend about the school and asked them to register. They both registered and were placed in the same class with my daughter. When I came to pick them up from school the teacher told me, kind of with an attitude not to bring back the other girls. I asked why not and she said that it was already the 2nd term and they were behind. I told her that they were not behind because I send them with my daughter to a private tutor after school and that they are all more advanced than her class. I informed her that the kashmiri girl was in Juz Tabarak. She looked as if she did not believe me and rudely asked the girl, to recite something. The girl was quiet and asked her from where and she named some random ayah. The girl started reciting and the teacher stopped her and seemed disappointed. She then said that her class was too crowded and that she still couldn’t come. I informed her mother who came to the school and she was accepted. This same teacher, now seems truly repented and has put together a special for the party. She has asked my daughter to say an Islamic Nasheed in English and has the other girls doing one in Urdu. She went on to tell me and the other two girls mothers, how in Islam we are all brothers and sisters and it did not matter where we were from and that she wants the other students to see this. That is one of the things I love about Saudi Arabia. If a person is wrong here and you remind them of what is Islamically correct they are ashamed and will go out of their way to make amends. Masha’Allah!

Facts of Life: A Talk With My 7 year Old Biracial Daughter

The following conversation took place this morning while fixing my bed. It was monotone and matter-of-fact. No animosity at all, just a mother daughter talk.

Daughter: When is [insert my nephew’s name] coming home?

Me: He won’t be home this week because he left this morning for a 10 day safari in Tanzania Africa.

Daughter: Is that the country with all the black people, that don’t dress good?

Me: Yes, but they don’t dress like that anymore (referring to the movie Roots, that I thought would be educational for her to watch).

Daughter: Do white people still go over there and take them (said with the utmost concern for her cousin)?

Me: Not anymore.

Daughter: So they left them alone and don’t bother them anymore?

Me: Well not exactly, but they don’t steal them anymore.

Daughter: What do they do now?

Me: Now, they move in and take over their country and tell them what to do.

Daughter: So the white people are good now?

Me: Some of them.

I would love to see how this discussion would have gone with her father. However, she has never asked him race related questions and he seems oblivious to the fact that he has biracial children.