I had to take this comment out and make new thread, because it is so profound! I dare anybody to challenge it. Come on give it your best shot!

I love this post. I read it the other day but promised myself I would not reply but I lied. LOL

The BIG P has been around longer than Islam and it has always been a part of society and religon. Its not going anywhere. No matter what others say the fact is People changed the idea of marriage and put their own values into it and took religon out.
Marriage never was about fallin in love and finding a soulmate. Thats what we learned from fiction writer, and later on TV and movies. Historically marriage was about having sex and making babies and for the woman finaical security….
People that do not have a western view of life and lifestyle have these types of marriages even today. I f you study anthropolgy you will see their are people all over the world that have no contact with western civilization and are happy with sharing a mate. It is ONLY the countries that have been brainwashed with western thought that now have objection to it. This came by either their country being taken over by the US or a European country and then putting their values and beliefs into that society OR by the access to Tv, Movies, books and things of this nature and dont forget the internet.
I will give you examples of what i mean. When I first started really practing Islam for me and not learning becasue my family was Muslim. I met  woman from Africia and she was here to go to school. I told her I just could not get my head around the big P. She could not understand what the big deal was. In her country most men had more than one wife in her village there was no women in their 30, 40, 04 50’s that had never been married. She hersefl grew up with 28 brothers and sisters by 4 women her father had married. They shared everything and to her life was good. She told me she cant get her head around the US lifestyle. SHe didnt understand how men had a wife and a girlfeiend, how most people get divorced, how people think its ok in this society to have children and not be married or live with a man that is not your husband. she didnt get the idea of the soulmate and falling in love. to her you found a good man with good character and came from a good family and you married them
….thats it. no divorce, no sex b4 marriage. There was no falling in love. To her love was something thathappend after marriage and that came from the respect you developed for that people for the kindness and compassion they showed you. She could not wait to go back home and leave the Us. She said our lives were fake and had no real substance or value.
while I understood her point I didnt ever think my life was fake or didnt have value. I was in my early 30’s and now over 10 yrs later I totally understand her. I still may not feel my life lacks value but i now understand why to her it does.
I think this is where the problem comes in for us westerners. We dont have those eyes to see through. We only have eyes that have been tained with the Illiusion of monogamy and our idea of values really have little value at all. and yes, it is an illusion. If you look at statistics you will see that most men and woman have had several sexual partners before they married, many men have several even after they are married. many men get married 2, 3 or 4 times during thier life.. and in between they have girlfriends that they have sex with. Tell me really what is the differance in this behaviour and a man having leagal wives. NOTHING other than one allows a man to have all the fun he wants with out any responsiblity and one requires him to have leagle responsiblity for his actions. To her a life like that has no value becasue value comes from a persons character and a man with good character would never disgrace a woman by having sex with her b4 marriage, having a child out of wedlock
or not taking care of his family to the best of his ablility. to her a woman that would give away her body had no morals, a woman that did not respect her husband and take care of her childrenhad no value in society.
Here both do. Here you are not looked down on for having 3 baby daddies, or 4 baby mamas. Its ok to live together and never marry its even idolised by many in this society. We run to a scandel instead of thinking how sad and let that trash stay private. we want more juicy deatails
so while some may think a man that has more than one wife is a dog another may thing he is just a normal man. and some may look at a man that has ever in his life had a girlfriend as a Dog . In some peoples eyes its ok. Its all about the how you look at it.

sorry for the long post
Jayla

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