Authoo Billahi Minash Shaytaanir Rajeem

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Subhanallah (said to glorify God), that worked ^^ mashaállah (said to express that God willed this)!

I am a little more settled. My blood feels like it it literally boiling, I am physically upset, heart racing, palpatations, queasy, adrenaline pumped, etc.

Why?

I over slept this morning. I actually slept right through fajr…astaurfirallah (asking for God’s forgiveness)! I usually start my day at fajr (the pre dawn prayer. 1st of ouf 5 of the Muslim’s daily obligatory prayers) and wake the girls up for school at 6am (if they did everything the night before – bath, packed bags, etc). Lately, I’ve only been getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because I get most of my work done after I’ve put them to sleep…and there is a lot of work to be done when trying to set up multiple streams of income online. My alarm on my clock doesn’t work and my husband uses the Alarm on his, so I use my cell phone as an alarm. After Adam emerged it in water and I paid a pretty penny for it to get fixed, the battery just hasn’t been the same. If anyone knows anything about Saudi then the should know that once something is out it’s out of stock for months! I can not find the battery for my Nokia N95. So even though it was fully charged when I went to sleep and I was to get up in only 2 hours, the battery died in my sleep. I woke up on my own at 6:57am. I was anxious from the minute I opened my eyes. I only woke up because the baby was tapping me to get up! I started screaming for the girls to get up, hurry up, letting them know we over slept. I was in frantic mode but not upset.

Until…

I called my husband! Right away he pissed me off! He said, “I knew I shouldn’t have answered my phone”. I told him, you can say no if you want I’m just asking you before I call the driver. He then said that i can’t take no for an answer. i said you never said NO! I haven’t even asked the question yet! He was upset that I even considered him an option when I could use a driver. I told him he is always the first choice and the driver is the option. If I send them with a driver I would go and would have to haul the boys with me, which would make them even later. School starts at 6:45am. He then went on to say that I’m up all night and sleepin in!  I KNEW he would find a way to try and bring shame or blame on me for doing my Entrepreneur thing. Sleeping in! I over slept ONE FRIGGIN TIME! He said, what about the other times they are late. I said that’s them missing the bus and it’s not my fault. I wake them up on time. He said they are kids so it is my fault if they are lolly dagging around or looking for something or any of the other countless things that can make a kid miss their bus! So now my adrenaline is pumped. I’m going off asking him why he has this NEED to ALWAYS place fault and blame on people, yet he ALWAYS wants others to make excuses for his UNACKNOWLEDGED short comings!

I hung up on him…

Then called back to say that I was not riding with them, that I was sending them alone with a driver. Don’t ask me why I said that. I wasn’t lying, I honestly at the time don’t know what I was thinking. So he said, don’t do this to him. TO HIM! He said to have the maid ride with them. I told him that she was sleep and doesn’t wake up until 9am. He was livid and said to wake her up. I knew she would have an attitude. She walks around with attitude all the time, but is a great cook and excellent maid. So I woke her up and told her it would only take a few minutes to go with the driver around the corner and back (they could walk but they have to cross a busy street with morning rush). She starts saying something to me too loud and in the wrong tone of voice and I snapped. All of the mais I’ve had got spoiled in my house, they get treated better than anyone in the house when it comes to me NOT snapping. Since my adrenaline was still pumped from dealing with my babies daddy, I went off. I told her that she gets more sleep then ANYBODY in the house and that I do not ask her for much and NEVER wake her up. I said if I need her to do something then I don’t need her attitude. She changed completedly after that. Got all soft spoken and acting like there was some misunderstanding. She knew I was right, because no maid sleeps until 9am! Most people’s day, especially maids start at fajr (currently 5am). She is the first one to go to sleep and the last one to get up. I haven’t complained because she gets her work done and I need my space. Technically, they are domestic help. They are not JUST maids. they usaually do everything but my maid has limited work. She cooks and cleans and I take care of my own kids. I should be sleeping in all day letting her get up in the mourning but if it’s hard for me to do it, hence hiring a maid, then why would I expect her to cook, clean, and take care of the kids!

So as soon as she left I was more pumped and anxious than I was after talking to my husband. I unconsciously started speed cleaning. When she got back she took over the cleaning but I was still physically upset and thought I would blog a rant or vent, which I usually avoid but I was so stressed.

It did not even occur to me to say authoo billah minash shaytaanir rajeem (the Prophet Muhammad -peace and blessing of Allah be upon him- advised one should seek refuge in Allah from the acursed satan/devil when agree and should verbalise this)  until I started to write this. It was just naturally the first thing I typed. I don’t know why it was not the first thing I uttered…astaurfirallah! I immediately started to calm done and now as I come to my conclusion I feel much better wa lilalilhamd (and all the praise is to God).

*After going back to include translation I am now calm and wondering what the big deal was. I’m convinced that shaytaan provoke the anger in a person. I’m still exhausted and my eyes are very heavy but my day has started now.

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