Well, that was a few seconds ago, now I am crying! I have not seen my only niece in 8 years. She just graduated from High-school and got a full scholarship to a University in Florida. I am so proud of her! What has brought me to tears is that I finally set up my facebook account and was playing on it and found her. Her picture sent shivers down my spine! She is my brother with a WIG! She looks almost EXACTLY like me (back in the day)! More like me than my own kids. She’s drop dead gorgous! Rofl…seriously! Masha’Allah. I honestly, feel sick to my stomach right now. i have not seen my brother in 10 years and to see her picture… Yall don’t understand. Everybody thought me and my brother were twins..we are a year apart and were inseparable. She has his same EVERYTHING. Nose, shape of face, lips, bone structure. I don’t think I have ever seen a stronger resemblance in a father and daughter. She also looks so much like my mother! I use to keep this little girl with me all the time! She was my running buddy. It’s hard to believe that my brother and I have absolutely NO relationship. Now that I am on these Alumni groups many people are asking me about my brother. They think we are still close. Truth is I have only spoke to him a handful of times in 10 years and he cursed me out most of those times! I use to love him dearly, now I barely think of him. Even though i have raised his son for 9 years! My love for him was so strong and painful that I eventually prayed that our hearts would distance. It was too painful to love a person who was living a self-destructive lifestyle. I would have awful dreams about him and wake up crying. I was always afriad something would happen to him. I couldn’t sleep at night if he were not home in bed. I was always protective of him and would get in gang fights with him. I’ve had the police beat me down over him. I’ve had mobs of boys stepping over my body and kicking me over him. I even was in a bar fight with him and his friends when they came to visit me in college (this boy called me a bitch and my brother and his friends set it off)! Only time I didn’t take his side is when his crew (Kenwood/53rd Street) and my cousins crew (87th street) got into a fight at a house party we threw and then I attacked my brother’s friends for fighting my cousins! But that was the same night I jumped on the police who were beating my brother and then they beat me! That prayer was answered and we are no longer close. However, I have also prayed that Allah not take his life until he accepts Islam. I want him to die as a Muslim. Allah has always answered my prayers. When I was younger I use to pray that my step-father would not die until I was grown, out the house and with my own family. i thought I could handle his death better then, and that’s exactly what happened. So I have faith that my prayer that my brother dies in a state of Islam will be answered.

Anybody seen my brother lately? I would love to see a recent picture of him. I heard he has gray hair now. Hard for me to imagine that…he always looked much younger than he was.

O Allah guide my brother to Islam;. O Allah let his last days be his best days.


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