The Recovery

Seems to be going from bad to worse. I don’t want to use this blog to complain , so I’ll just ask for duas.

I will mention the problems, just in case anyone has any experience or advice. I’m suffering from intense Bladder Trauma. I went to the ER last night and had a blood and urine investigation done. Nothing conclusive, but I think the doctor was not well qualified. Some protein showed up in my urine so he gave me a referral to a Urologist. He said it could be my kidneys, but I doubt that. I believe it is the bladder or urinary tract. I have gone from using the bathroom every hour, to every 30 minutes, to every 15 minutes. I no longer have pain upon urinating, but I have extreme bladder spasms and what seems like crazy nerve damage for the first minute after using it. I do not know how I have stayed sane. I have to go through this every 15 minutes and to top it off I can only sleep in 15 minute intervals (in between frequent nursing and diaper changes). I feel like my insides must look like a failed attempt at putting Humpty Dumpty together! I would say the pain is unbearable, but Allah never gives us more than we can bear – walhamduillah!

Allah says:

“We shall surely test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to those who have fortitude. Who when struck by misfortune, say: ‘We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.’ “ [Al-Qur’an 2:155-156]

As if that is not enough, I have resumed the 5 daily prayers (Muslim women are excused for up to 40 days postpartum from the daily prayers due to post natel bleeding and also from praying that tie of the month). I feel awful for even feeling cheated of my 40 days – I thought that I would not be able to handle it – but I’m up most of the time anyway – I might as well pray. I know… still sounds bad!

Allah also says previous to these two ayat:

“O Believers, seek help in patience and in the ritual prayer. Allah is with those that are patient.” [Al-Qur’an 2:154]

The Baby

Masha’allah! I don’t think I could have had a better baby, especially under these circumstances. He is a sweetie pie. I already have two nicknames for him (Red Man and Sharwama). He is my smallest baby. Weighed 2.7kg (about 6lbs) at birth. I love his name, but can’t tell yall cuz one of the complaints taken to my husband about the blog was that I gave my children’s names and this complaint my dh took serious. I can give you all clues though…lol. There are several gates of Jannah (paradise) – I’ve read 7 in one report and 8 in another. He is names after one of the gates of jannah. May he, his parents, siblings, and offspring be able to enter jannah though any gate we please…aameen.

My Family

This pregnancy was lonely for me because I did not have the support of my family. I did not tell my siblings, mother, father, Aunts, Uncles or cousins. I did not want my mother to find out because she worries a lot. When I was pregnant with my last son all I did was call her and she was like, “are you pregnant?” Said in that irritated pissed off I can’t believe my teenage daughter is pregnant way. After I delivered him, she begged me not to get pregnant again. So this time I did not call her for fear she would detect it in my voice (yall know how mamas are!), and I did not tell other family members. I called my sister the night of the delivery all drugged out sounding and told her to tell ma. She was like, “I can’t believe you are 30 something and hiding your pregnancies.” All I could do was cry on the phone I was so out of it and I was glad my sister was there for me in my drugged out state.

“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’lta sahlan wa anta taj’alu al-hazna idha shi’ta sahlan.”

“O Allah, there is no ease except by that which you have made easy, and you are able to make to change difficulty into ease if you wish.” [Sahih ibn Hibban]

Qaddar Allahu masha’a fa’ala.”

“Allah has decreed and He does what He wills.” [Sahih Muslim]

“Hasbi Allahu wa ne’mal wakil.”

“Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs.” [Recorded by Abu Dawud and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani]

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.”

We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.” [Al-Qur’an 2:156]

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. Allahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha."
"Truly to Allah we belong and verily to Him we shall return. O Allah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it." [Sahih Muslim]