I told you all that my daughter told me that her friend’s mother ran away after her husband took another wife the other day. It turned out not to be true. I’m thinking that maybe she pulled one of my numbers.

Last week, I attempted to run away from home. Well not actually from home, it was more like I tried to escape and not go home. It happened on our way home from Krispy Kremes. As usual, my husband has a way of ruining a perfectly good day. I honestly think that shaytaan does this on purpose to us. No matter how good the day is going – as it ends – he  finds a way to ruin it. Of course this is how I see it, because he sees it just the other way around. He thinks that whenever he does anything for us, we act like fools at the end of the day. So either way it goes, if you hear of us having a really good time, know that it is only temporary and we will be cutting up by the end of the day.

Why we got into it isn’t really important, but heck – I’ll tell you anyway. Just so you will realise how petty our disputes are. They are NEVER over anything serious! My husband recently bought another used Suburban GMC (pronounced GYMPS by the locals. I guess they don’t know what an acronym is). We have car seats and boosters for all of the children, but since it has been over a years since he sold his last car and we have been using either a driver or rental cars that only seat two in the back with seat belts, we have not been using the car seats. So they have become toys and the belts are all missing and now we have to wait until payday (once a month) to buy new car seats. Which means that the seat-belts are too big for the children, but we buckle them in anyway. Well one of the seat-belts just doesn’t work at all. It completely stretches as far as you want to go. Often times Adam gets out of his seat and is all around the car, while still strapped in! While driving another driver pointed out to us that the back door was not shut properly and that Adam was hanging out of the window! I went into panicky Mama mold and immediately told my husband to pull over and close the door properly and to put Adam back in his seat-belt. My husband is weird in that a lot of stuff doesn’t bother him, but for some reason he doesn’t like to be TOLD what to do by ME. Instead of recognising that I was a freaked out concerned mother, he accused me of being bossy and not liking my tone of voice and teaching my daughters how to disrespect their husbands. Yadda Yadda Yadda!

So our good day had officially ended, because the more respect I tried to show him and the calmer I tried to make my tone of voice, the more he went on and on and on!!! I couldn’t take it anymore, so when he pulled over to go to SACO, I jumped out of the car and told him that since I was such a horrible wife and bad influence on my children to find a better wife and mother and I attempted to flee. Well, he got out of the car without the kids and didn’t look back. So I said, “Hey you can’t leave them in the car…I’m running away!” He ignored me and kept on walking. So I went back to the car, grabbed the kids…tossed Adam into a shopping cart and proceeded to runaway with my kids. The girls wanted to know where we were going. I told them “AWAY!” My youngest girl threw a tantrum in the parking lot. She started screaming, “I want my daddy! I love my daddy! You can’t take me away from my daddy!” As we entered the mall, he was exiting the mall and I told her, “You want your daddy, there he is” and I stormed off pushing Adam in the shopping cart as my daughters abandoned me for their DADDY! It was a little bitty mall, so I decided to just walk from one end to the other, while my husband and the girls followed me. As I approached the end of the mall I realised the error of my ways when I spotted TOYS R US! It was no way I was going in there and had to quickly turn into the food court before one of the children spotted it. So I sat at a table with only one chair so that my husband wouldn’t sit next to me. He sat at another table going through the bag of nuts, bolts, and pop rivets he purchased from the hardware store. My daughters sat with him and then came over to me and said, “Mommy Abi didn’t even know you were leaving him, until I told him.” I just looked over at him, oblivious to my attitude, going through his little man toys and shook my head. Then my daughter said, “Mommy you can’t be serious, how are you going to break up with him in a mall? What am I suppose to do? I’m just a little kid. I knew I would have to leave home one day when I get married but how am I suppose to decide now. If I go with Abi who will take care of us and if I go with you, we won’t have any money.” All this time, I’m smiling and silently lol under my niqab and thinking how I can’t even fake runaway for a minute! So while my oldest daughter is at the table crying with me, my youngest daughter is working on her father and crying. Adam is running around the Food Court, just as oblivious as his father, pushing a shopping cart. After, my husband finishes checking out all his recent purchases, he comes over to the table as if nothing was going on and says, “Come on let’s go, it’s getting late.” I told him that he can go on without me, that I did not want to go home. So he says, “OK I’m sorry…let’s go.” I say, “You aren’t sorry…really go on – without me….I’ll be OK…I can find a job and a place to live and you won’t have to be miserable anymore.” The girls start crying. He calmly says, “Will you stop tramautizing the children and come on.” So as an obedient wife I get up and follow him out of the mall.

This is where it gets funny. My oldest girl is on roller blades, Adam is riding on the outside of the cart, and my youngest daughter is inside of the cart. My husband is pushing the cart and everybody looks all bouncy and happy except me. I’m walking behind pouting like a big kid. However, since I am covered from head to toe all anybody can see is the happiest looking family you have ever seen! As we exit the mall, Adam jumps from the cart and runs towards the parking lot. I scream, “GET HIM!” and dh let’s go of the cart, with my daughter in it and runs after Adam – while my daughter is in a runaway cart, on a marble floor, heading straight for the street! My daughter on roller-blades and I both take off for the cart. My daughter in the cart, is like what you see in the movies – eyes wide and full of fear, trembling and going, “whooooa whooooa!” I’m slipping and sliding and finally reach the handle of the cart at the same time a man jumps out and grabs the other end of the cart. We both turned the cart right on time before it flipped over the curb, then my husband had to grab my daughter on roller-blades, because she was heading straight for the parking lot and was out of control because of the incline and marble floor!

We finally made it to the car. I was still trying to have an attitude, but was forced to talk to my husband all the way home because he was sleepy. When we got home, he had the nerves to wink at me and say, “Hey…the kids are all sleep.”