The following was sent to me by a dear sister/friend. She is an American Daeeyah residing in KSA.

Assalamu alaykum dear sisters,

This is a lecture I gave at a women’s event this summer and I was sending it to one young girl who couldn’t attend so, i thought I’d pass it on to others also. Please feel free to forward it after removing my e-mail address. These are true stories and I hope they will serve as a reminder to our young girls who are so innocently caught up in the lies of wolves!

Your sister in Islam,

Maha

Destruction

Here’s a story from a young girl. As she tells her story, I came to know a young man through the telephone. It began by him asking me if my house was so-and-so’s house. I told him no, he had the wrong number. I spoke to him kindly and with good manners.

After that, he called, two, three, four times and we started to develop a relationship. He told me that he loved me and that his love was pure for me, even before he saw me, but how could his love for me be pure when he was going against what Allah and His Messenger loved? This poor young girl was tricked by sweet talk and promises. Shaytaan was making everything look beautiful in her eyes.

The relationship progressed to letters, more phone calls and secret meetings. Every time he proclaimed he loved her and talked with her using the sweetest words and making many promises.  He couldn’t leave her alone and told her he couldn’t live without her. They took their pictures together and he took pictures of her alone.

After four years of her life which was spent with this wolf, yes wolf, he demanded that she give herself to him in a way that is reserved only for marriage! He told her that it didn’t matter if she did it now or later, because they would be married anyway, so what was the difference? Finally her conscience was beginning to stir and wake up. Her faith was shaken after this final demand. All of these years she had been living in darkness and false dreams.

At this final request, she refused saying that this was something that was reserved for marriage only. To this the wolf replied, if you don’t give yourself to me I have all of your pictures, alone and of us together, all of your conversations recorded along with all of your secrets and your family’s secrets!

This poor girl started to live a nightmare, which she created herself. What was the benefit of all those years? These types of stories are many my dear sisters. Many have devastating endings, destroying the lives of families and the young girls who were lured into this trap of Shaytaan.

Yes, my dear sister, you are like an innocent little lamb to a non-relative man. If you let him get close to you he will turn into a devouring wolf, thinking of only satisfying his desires.

If we think about it, the wolf doesn’t need anything from the innocent little lamb except it’s delicious meat. The meat that’s the tastiest to the wolf. As the wolf, who is tricking you into giving him the most precious and valuable thing you own. Your purity. Something that you are saving for your life long partner, not an evil wolf!

Many young women fall into the trap of wolves by thinking they are strong enough to protect themselves from any tricks of the Shaytaan but in the end, unknowingly she falls into the trap, ruining herself, her worth, her self-esteem, her family, losing her purity and innocence, losing her children if married. All of this through illicit relationships by telephone, letters or internet. Day by day destroying the happy protected life she was born into and the one Islam promises her.

Let’s look at some of the reasons why young, innocent girls get caught up in these dangerous activities:

1.    Weak faith and forgetting that Allah sees all and knows all.

2.    Families are absent, and this leaves her to think that know one will see her or know what she’s doing.

3.    Not reading the Quran, but instead reading love stories forgetting that the one who wrote them in the first place has no religion either and the goal behind these stories.

4.    Watching films of love and romance getting wrong ideas to how true love is formed. Learning that love is a physical thing that must be “tried” out first instead of building the relationship based on mutual Islamic standards.

5.    The young girl being out of her family’s home much of the day, participating in activities that are of no Islamic value such as sport clubs, game rooms and such. And if she does go out, she’s out displaying all of her beauty.

Now we have heard a story, one from using the telephone. No we have another story.

She was a girl studying in college and she had 3 sisters, all of them studying in different grades in school. Their father was working in a small supermarket in order to try to give them anything they asked for. This young girl was very diligent in her studies and really worked hard to get good grades. She was known for her good manners and all of her friends loved her.

As she tells her story: I was leaving from the college one day in my usual way and usual attire, long abaya, although on the shoulders and of the latest style, which was especially tailored to the shape of my body. A large slit was made on both sides to about my knee, so that I could walk easier, as I told my mother who disapproved but didn’t stop me from having this kind of abaya. It was required that we cover our face but my cover was thin and I used to throw it over my face carelessly so that even if the wind was slightly blowing, there was a great chance that it would fall or be lifted up.

As I was leaving there was a young man who came in my path. He looked at me as if he knew me. I didn’t pay any attention to him and he started walking behind me speaking in a low voice. He said: Hey beautiful, I would like to marry you. I have been watching you for some time and know your ways and manners. I quickened my steps and started to feel sweat pour from my veins from under my abaya. I had never encountered this kind of attention before. I walked as quickly as I could to my home and when I arrived I fell on the chair frightened and full of surprise. I didn’t sleep all night because fright, worry and thinking of his words.

The next day when I was going to college, I found him in front of the door, smiling. He continued this habit for many days finally ending it with a small note place at the door of my home! I was unsure about whether I should take it, but I did. My hand was shaking as I opened the note and read what was written. The whole note was full of words of love and romance and how he hoped I wasn’t disturbed by him and his love for me.

I tore up the note and threw it in the garbage. Soon after, the telephone rang and I answered. It was him! The same young man who had been following me, speaking of love and romance. He asked me if I read the note. I told him: If you don’t straighten up I’ll tell my family and then you’ll be in big trouble. Then I hung up. After an hour, he called again saying that his intentions were pure and that he really wanted to marry me and build me a palace to live in and that he would fulfill all of my dreams. He told me that he was an orphan and none of his family were alive and so on, with his sad story changing my heart towards him and his attention. I started to feel sorry for him and speak to him. I began to wait for his call everyday all day. I started to look for him after finishing my classes, but with no luck. Then one day I saw him, my heart jumped for joy and I then started to go out with him in his car, driving around the city.

I believed everything he told and felt that I had no control over any of my feelings or emotions. He had captured my heart! I believed him when he when he told me I was going to be his wife and that we would live together in endless happiness and love under the same roof. I believed him when he told me I was his princess. Every time he said these words to me my heart fluttered with happiness.

One day, the blackest day of my life, the day that ruined my life, ruined my future and destroyed me in the eyes of all creation, I went out with him as usual and he started to take me to a furnished apartment. We entered the apartment and sat together. I forgot all about the hadeeth of the Prophet, peace be upon him, that when a man and woman are alone, the Shaytaan is the third. Shaytaan had caused me to forget and let the wolf capture my heart with his sweet talk and empty promises.

We sat together, him looking at me and me looking at him, then the forbidden happened and I became the prey for a hungry wolf. He took the most precious and valuable thing I owned. When I came to my senses, I was crazy! What did you do to me?

Don’t worry you are my wife, he said.

How can I be your wife when we have no contract between us?, I asked.

I’ll make the marriage contract soon, he said.

I returned to my home, broken. I could barely walk. My legs couldn’t carry me. Fire felt like it was burning throughout my body. Oh Allah, what have I done? What’s happened to me? I saw the world pass in front of my eyes and I started to cry hysterically. I left college and my life turned for the worse. No one was happy with me and my family had no idea what had happened. I hung onto his promise of marriage. Days passed one into the other and I felt as though I was carrying the weight of a mountain on my shoulders.

What happened after that? It was something that destroyed my whole life! The telephone rang and I heard his voice as if he was calling from somewhere far away. He told me that he needed to meet me immediately for something very important. I jumped for joy! I thought the important thing he wanted was to discuss our marriage. I met him but this time the look on his face was changed. He looked hard and evil. He started to talk to me telling me that the first thing I should forget about is that he would ever marry me. We need to live together with no strings attached. I lifted my hand to slap his face without even thinking! I thought he was going to kill me after that!

I told him that I thought he was going to be honorable after the mistake we made, but instead I have found that you really aren’t a man after all and that you have no manners or honor. I quickly got out of the car crying. Wait, he said. In his hand was a video cassette. He was holding it up tauntingly towards me saying that he was going to destroy me with this cassette and what was on it! Come with me and let’s see what’s on the video, together! It will be a great surprise. I screamed, what have you done, you coward?

He said, there was a hidden camera recording every moment that we spent together. This cassette will be like a weapon in my hand and a means for me to destroy you if you don’t follow my commands and do as I say. I started to cry and scream because not only was my life going to be ruined but also the life of my family! What was this evil man’s plan now? To pass me from wolf to wolf and make a living off of me. I fainted at the idea. What could I do? I did as he ordered. My family had no idea about my life, they trusted me.

The cassette was copied and passed around and got into the hands of my cousin and the whole situation was blown open. My father and all of my family found out and all of those in the country in which I was living. Our house was a house of shame! I ran away in order to save my family for more disgrace. I disappeared from the my father’s sight and later learned that my father took my family to another country where no one knew of our shame and disgrace, but unfortunately or disgrace traveled with them and it became the talk and discussion of every gathering.

The cassette was passed from wolf to wolf and I was like a lifeless doll in the hands of this evil man who had made me empty promises. I late came to learn that he had done this to a number of unsuspecting young girls and had ruined many families. Destroying families and futures.

I got tired of the situation and one day when he came to me, very drunk, I took a knife and stabbed him, stabbing him many times with all my might and hatred for everything he had done to me and others like me. For his lies and deception. For his destruction. Never would he hurt or destroy anyone’s life again.

My life is destroyed and the life of my family and their good name but I wanted to tell you my story to be as a warning to all young girls who might be approached by a wolf who sweet talks them and make them promises…be careful, everywhere you are. In your homes or out. I have told you my story, of my destruction and of the destruction of my family. The embarrassment, disgrace and shame my family has gone through, in which my father died, repeating, hasbi allah wa na’am al-wakeel, I’ll be angry with you until the Day of Judgment!   

What are the solutions?

1.    Fear Allah o daughters of Islam.

2.    Fear Allah when you are going out to the market in beautiful clothing, not fulfilling the requirements for hijaab.

3.    Fear Allah and don’t go out with any non-relative men.

4.    Fear Allah in any dealings that you have, through the telephone, in the market or online. Everything is recorded with Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala.

5.    Be very careful of all forms of photography. This is the favorite weapon of those who wish to destroy.

6.    Be careful and don’t write anything that can ever be used against you by these wolves. They are known for saving them and using them as blackmail later.

7.    Stay away from all things that stir feeling of love or romance in you such as music, films of love, love stories and magazines.

8.    Fear Allah, repent, return to Allah and Islam, before that day when all eyes will be downcast and hearts will be turned upside down, remembering that the punishment of Allah is a great torment!

Now let’s listen to the story of another poor, young girl.

I am a young girl of 23 years old. I’m suffering from severe depression and feelings of guilt from doing things and getting into unknown waters without any knowledge of the danger I was putting myself in and I am now drowning in feelings of great despair. My father passed away and left a huge void in my life so I decided to busy with myself with things such as the internet to pass my time and forget about my sorrow and state of sadness left by the passing of my dear father. I got to know young men and women through the internet, meeting them online in different chat rooms and discussing things for long hours at a time. I became acquainted with a young man about the same age as me and who was living in a city close to mine.

We chatted and discussed different subjects daily for long hours until he requested my telephone number. In the beginning I refused but after he pressured me I gave him my mobile number and he started to call me constantly. After that he requested that we meet and I refused. Again, after pressure from him, I agreed to meet him in a general, public place. We met many times in this way.

At this time, I became acquainted with another young man online. He was very nice and taught me many things I never knew. We started to talk and discuss different subjects online for many hours. Then, he requested my telephone number. After some feelings of uncertainty, I gave in and gave him my mobile number. Then he asked to meet me, as the first young man had. I did and we carried on like this for some time. I ignored everything I knew as right and wrong.

Some time after I started meeting this second young man, I met a third. He was the nicest and kindest of the three and felt I was really in love with him, not like the other two before him. I felt like they were my brothers, I used to listen to their problems and help them solve them but this third one gave me a special feeling I never felt before.

Unfortunately, my sister discovered what I was doing and advised me to give up these relationships and I promised her I would, just to keep her quiet.

Soon thereafter a young man came to ask for my hand in marriage. He was the perfect man! I was so happy because this marriage would save me from the relationships I was having online.

I got engaged and requested that they make dua for me and to erase any memory of me from their minds. Two of them agreed but the third one, who was the first young man I ever chatted with and went out with, refused. He didn’t like the idea of me wanting to leave him. He did like many and spied on me and found out my personal information and my home address. Soon after, he printed out all of our conversations and e-mails and sent them to my family’s address.

When I received them, I wanted to die! I burned all of them, frightened that they would fall into the hands of my family or worse yet, into the hands of my fiancé who I loved and who loved me.

I feel scared and worried that my fiancé will find out about my relationship with this young man and leave me and I feel absolutely horrible about this. I’m living in fear.

Every time my cell phone rings, I hear the doorbell or the mail is delivered, I fear my life will be destroyed. Any time my family discusses any subject with me; I feel they know my dark secret. 

I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m living in a life of fear. I feel like I can’t do anything and that I’m frozen in this mess I’ve made of my life. I’m also a teacher. I feel that I’m not suited for this valuable job because of my past and my hidden secrets. I feel that I can’t be trusted. I feel that my family can’t trust me. I’m destroyed. Destroyed. Destroyed.

Please publish my story so that others who are looking for fun and entertainment on the computer will understand the evils and pitfalls that are waiting for them.

Regretful R.

Destruction on the Internet (Part 2)

Yesterday I read the letter you published from “Regretful R.”, the young girl of 23 who found fun and entertainment on the web.

She was introduced to one…two…three young men through the internet. First by normal chatting and then that chatting turned to talk of love. From love talk and romance online to exchanging mobile numbers. From talking secretly on the mobile to secret meetings. Meeting one…two…three…young men. First refusing and then giving in. Beginning by meeting in public places. Then a respectable young man came to offer his hand in marriage. He fell in love with her and her with him. She decided to end these affairs and we can all remember what she wrote…all agreed except one. Threats and evil actions appeared after that. Destroying her sense of mind and leaving her to live in constant fear.

What can she do? She can remove any personal information from all files on the internet, change telephone numbers, call the people from Committee for Virtue and Vice, and/or vaguely tell her family what has happened without going into details for the sake of her future.

These stories are many on the internet. It’s called the web. Like a spider’s web. Trapped. Young and innocent, getting trapped. These situations are happening over and over again.  Young men and women online are continuously warned, but to no avail, the problem continues to exist and increase. This young girl, who wrote the letter asking for help and warning others not to fall into the trap, has ruined her life and her future.

Let’s look at the following question:

Question:

Well a year from now one of my friends, a girl, had introduced me to one of her online brothers and we have been talking online for about a year now. Its not like we have ever talked about anything indecent, we talk in a well respected manner, and he sometimes jokes around, too. We both are aware of our religion and we know how it is haraam to have girlfriends or boyfriends. But over time we both have grown interested in each other and he has told me that he wants to marry me, but right now is too soon, I’m only 16 and will be 17 in 2 months. The situation is too hard to explain…and I am really confused on what should be done and what shouldn’t. I really don’t want to do anything that is Haraam or isn’t right and I do have faith in Allah that if he is good for me one day we will be together. So I just needed some advice on this is talking to a non-mahram guy online wrong? And this is the only way we know each other which is through internet. We haven’t met but we have seen each other’s pictures. Well I hope all this makes sense to you and you will be able to help me out here, because right now I really need it. I’m still confused about this situation we haven’t done anything wrong just talk online but the question that keeps coming to my mind is if Islaamically is all this acceptable? I have talked to other people and he has talked to people too. Some say it’s wrong and some say its ok as long as our intention is good and we haven’t done anything wrong.
Please give me some advice.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan. Everything that could lead a person to fall into haraam things is also haraam, even if in principle it is originally permitted. This is what the scholars call “the principle of warding off harm.”

Concerning this matter, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan.” [al-Noor 24:21].

With regard to the second matter, He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And insult not those whom they (disbelievers) worship besides Allaah, lest they insult Allaah wrongfully without knowledge…” [al-An’aam 6:108]

Here Allaah forbids the believers to insult the mushrikeen lest that leads to them insulting the Lord, may He be glorified and exalted.

There are many examples of this principle in sharee’ah. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned many of them and explained them well in his excellent book A’laam al-Muwaqqi’een. (See 3/147-171 thereof).

The issue under discussion here also comes under this category. Conversation – whether verbally or in writing – between men and women is permissible in and of itself, but it may be a way of falling into the traps of the Shaytaan.

Whoever knows that he is somewhat weak, and is afraid that he may fall into the traps of the Shaytaan, has to refrain from such conversations, in order to save himself.

Whoever is sure that he will be able to remain steadfast, then we think that it is permissible in his case, but there are certain conditions:

1.    The conversation should not be allowed to wander too far from the topic being discussed; or it should be for the purposes of calling others to Islam.

2.    They should not let their voices be soft, or use soft and gentle expressions.

3.    They should not ask about personal matters that have no bearing on the matter being discussed, such as how old a person is, how tall he or she is, or where he or she lives… etc.

4.    Other brothers (in the case of men) or sisters (in the case of women) should take part in the conversation or read the correspondence, so that the Shaytaan will find no way to enter the hearts of the people who are conversing or corresponding.

9.    The conversation or correspondence must be halted immediately if the heart starts to stir with feelings of desire.

How should the young girl react when approached or bothered by a young man?

1.    Try not to act angry or upset, that’s what they want. Act cold and unbothered. By doing that, they will be given the cold shoulder and that’s what they hate!

2.    Stay away from any young man who is making you feel uncomfortable and don’t give in to his demands.

3.    Control yourself and your feelings, even while you might be boiling inside, and he will give up and go away.

4.    Don’t try violence because most of the wolves who are trying to harass you will be stronger than you and might react with some kind of violence that will really harm you or disfigure you.

5.    Try to be clever in your answer.

6.    Try to never be alone in any place, strength is usually found in numbers.

7.    If the person is a family member or relative, maybe a brother of a friend, try to limit your visits, because they will try to convince you are persuade you every time they see you.

8.    The way the woman dresses speaks loudly about her personality. Be careful of your way of dress and hijaab in order not to encourage anyone in their harassment of you.

9.    Never look at him with a smile of forgiveness or even a word of forgiveness because he will use this as a point he has won your attention and will try again to catch you since he knows you are the kind, forgiving type.

10.                       Be careful and aware of small slips of paper thrown or passed out by these wolves with sweet words written on them or their telephone numbers.

11.                       Be careful also of random telephone calls from these wolves disguised as wrong numbers. They know it’s a wrong number but just want to catch you in their nets! If you don’t know the number, be wary of answering and if they persist, let your brother or father answer in order to end the annoyance. Hang up immediately and don’t have any conversation with them. This will also show your male family members that you are careful in this matter.

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