Enough is enough! Khalas! I have given a whole new meaning to the cliche, “beating a dead horse”! My mother and those who knew me pre-Islam, claimed that I upheld my astrological sign to a ‘T’. They said I was bull-headed and stubborn. My husband says I can’t take no for an answer. My sister thinks I’m a spoil brat who has to always have her way. Could there be any truth to that? All these years I’ve just thought that nobody understood me (and still do).

I have always THOUGHT that my intentions were to see reconciliation, unity among the Muslims, peace, and justice for all. Some how along the way, I turned into the stereotypical scorned woman, ‘The Hand That Rocked The Cradle’, a ‘Fatal Attraction’, a friggin basket case (more appropriately a Silly Stranger)!

This vigilante style enjoining of good, is not from Islam. I have dishonored myself, my family, and other Muslims. I have become the hypocrite that I so often speak out against. Would I tolerate my children behaving the way I have for the past four years? Empathetically NO! My children have been mistreated by others (including themselves). Spat on, name called, picked on. I always tell them that they are to never behave the way they were treated no matter what. I remind them that Muslims fighting Muslims is disbelief. I tell them I don’t care who started what – and that Allah is All Knowing, All Seeing, and All Hearing and that for us Allah is sufficient and He is the best disposer of our affairs. So in the English sense of the word, I have been a big, fat, hypocrite!

I sincerely, wish to (after I have already and will continue to, seek forgiveness from my Lord), ask all those whom I have ever wronged for their forgiveness. More precisely:

I ask the two sisters who I claim to have been seeking retribution for; the two sisters whose pain I have always felt and was seeking to remedy (silly me, they already had the cure and it’s called patience and perseverance. I am the one of little faith. May Allah forgive me and us all), but may have unintentionally prolonged their sufferings with my selfish need for closure – I ask them to forgive me.

I ask the Muslims in general, to forgive me for exposing you to the faults of others. For having you endure my speech that was most certainly of no benefit.

To all those who I accused of wronging innocent Muslims, (by calling for and/ or heeding to the boycott and warnings against other Muslims) – please accept my sincere apology for backbiting you, exposing your wrongdoings, and any other transgressions that I knowingly or unknowingly did.

To my non-Muslim readers, Islam is peace, it’s a beautiful way of life. Forgive me for not shining its light on you, but rather showing you the dark side of personal issues that have nothing to do with true Islam. I invite you to accept Islam.

If this apology is not sufficient and their are some who do not accept it, please be merciful enough to tell me what needs to be done in order for my apology to be accepted (further clarification, rectification, and/or repentance – or if you just want to spit in my face). If you feel that you may never accept my apology (and I seek refuge in Allah from not being forgiven from Him or the people I have wronged), this is your right. However, I would appreciate it if you let me know who you are and how I have wronged you -so that I may continue begging your forgiveness until the Angel of death comes to take my sorry soul, bi’ithnillah.

Insha’Allah, this is the end of the road. Nonetheless, I desire to see the Muslims be brothers and sisters to one another. This has always been the motivation behind my madness. My method, however, proved unproductive. I will continue to ask Allah to soften the hearts of the Muslims, unite us upon the truth, and to allow us to love each other for His sake only. I beg anyone reading this who has taken part in the boycott or warnings (even if not actively, perhaps you just ‘avoided’ the person) of another Muslim to contact that Muslim and tell them that you love them for the sake of Allah. It hurts me to think that I am the ‘strange’ one and that nobody else was moved by their plight. We should be one brotherhood, one ummah. We should not have any hatred towards each other, nor harbor any ill feelings about one another. I love you all, more than you know.

May Allah keep the Muslims who are suffering firm and steadfast and may he strengthen their hearts and increase them in faith.

Our Lord! Forgive us, and our brethren who came before us into the Faith, and leave not, in our hearts, rancour (or sense of injury) against those who have believed. Our Lord! Thou art indeed Full of Kindness, Most Merciful (Quran 59:10).

 

Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and the lack of moderation in our doings, and make firm our steps and succor us against those who deny the truth (Quran 3:147).

I ask that this be forwarded by and to anyone who has ever forwarded or spread any of my kalam on the various mediums (Internet, telephone, in person, etc). I will personally send it to those I have wronged and those I have spread this among, insha’allah.

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