I’ve been in intense pain for the past two days – alhamduillah – and even sitting down at the computer has been a bit much. I’m feeling better now, alhamduillah. So now I can fill you guys in on all that has been spinning around my head for the past few days.

1. Mommy WANTS to be committed admitted.

By the time I had my husband take me to the hospital, I already knew that I wanted to be admitted. It use to be a time here in Saudi when the Moms and maids could show up at the hospital with some type of ache or pain and be admitted for ‘observation’, in reality it was a break. I have had strong abdominal pains, for some unknown reason. On top of that my 4 year old has been especially challenging this week. It’s time to wean my two year old and I was two tired to even try. I was a bit overwhelmed and usually when I go to the doctor I’m praying they don’t admit me, because I don’t have anyone to keep the children and my husband doesn’t handle stress or pressure well, so I worry myself more sick. This time, I was actually hoping that they would keep me. Well they found nothing wrong with me and sent me home! I had them run every test known to mankind on me and gave them a long list of things to rule out that are symptomatic of left side abdominal pains. I even called our surgeon friend after the ER doctor refused to get me a surgeon, and had him arrange for me to be seen by the surgical resident on call. The surgeon concluded that I was very healthy but that it was possible my problem was psychological. WHAT EVER GAVE HIM THAT IDEA!? Could it have been that the minute he came in, before I even mentioned my problem, I told him that I needed to be committed admitted and when he asked why I thought so, I told him because it was no way I could recover at home and that they were killing me! I asked him, if he thought I was making it all up or if it were in my mind. He said no, he believed me, but that sometimes when we have anxiety and stress our bodies react to it. He started an IV (with probably some placebo medicine) in it and I rested for 6 hours. Some how my dh still manage to call me several times, drop the kids off during the prayer time so that they could jump all over me and play with the IV, scream and holler about why I was at a Government hospital, he’ll take me to a private one with better doctors (after they found nothing wrong with me. I was like hey, I prayed that I would be OK he said it was stress which means that YOU need to alleviate some of it). So for three days I ran around to different hospitals and doctors, just to be told that I am in excellent health (just a lil mental), alhamduillah!La Hawla wa la quwatta illah billa (There is no Might or power except that of Allah.)

It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’ – but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.)” ( Ahmad 1/391)

2. Night Weaning

My plan was to be admitted to the hospital, stay a few nights, and return home to a self weaned toddler. We plan, Allah Plans, Allah is The Best Planner. Since I didn’t get admitted and I already had it in my head that I wanted him weaned this week, and since I was in intense pain, I decided to night wean him. It’s been two nights so far and it’s going OK. He cries for about an hour (my dh wears ear plugs), but I am holding him and comforting him. Reciting Quran to him, making duas, dhikring, and singing. My 4 year old stays up with me until he’s sleep, she feels so sorry for him and begs me to just “give him some ninny”. I told her that it needs to be done and that I did the same thing to her and her sister and they do not even remember it. He sleeps more solid and longer. When he wakes up in the morning I nurse him (as I am now) and I give it to him on demand during the day. The night weaning should take about a week insha’Allah. After that I will slowly start day weaning, by distracting him whenever he makes a request, insha’Allah. All together he should be completely weaned in about a month, insha’Allah. This has always been my method and always worked for me, alhamduillah. I am looking forward to this. It will be the first time, insha’Allah, that I have weaned a child without being pregnant. For the past 8 years I have always been pregnant and/or breastfeeding. This will be my first time in a long time just being me. I really want one more baby, hoping to give Adam a brother, but to be honest I’m hoping I can at least enjoy this summer FREE. Part of me wants to call it quits, but we are all alone here and I really want Adam to have a brother (I know there are no guarantees it will be a boy). I am so tired and just thinking about it is exhausting me.

3.Multiplication and Quran Memorization.

Let’s face it, Mommy’s just don’t get to be sick. There is nobody to take care of us. When my husband is sick, he gets sick leave and I lock him away from the kids, cater to his every need, check to make sure he’s still breathing and all that. I get sick, can’t walk to kids to the tutor and now I AM THE TUTOR! It’s actually been fun. My 7 year old (2nd grade) has to learn multiplication this week (1-5). I hate math and my husband worked with her the first day, but it was so dull and boring. I should have just let him continue, but that would mean that I would have to remind him every night before he went to bed. It is a lot easier for me to go over it with her after school. Masha’Allah, she caught on quick. I teach her in English, but she does it in Arabic at school. I also have to make sure the girls do their Quran. My older daughter knows more than I do, so I sit her down with her cassette, but my 4 year old is still in Juz Amma so I can help her (for now), masha’Allah.

5. How Do I show My Dh That I Love Him?

Holly, got me to thinking about this one. After reading her post, it really started bugging me. I was like “man how do I show him, besides the obvious?” I had plenty of time to think about this while I waited for him yesterday – outside with the kids – to take me to another doctor appointment. I was still thinking about it thirty minutes later when he still hadn’t arrived and after my 7 year old calmly and politely told me, “Mommy when Abi gets here don’t complain just get in the car and say As Salaamu Alaykum.” So when he came, he said, “I’m sorry I’m late. I lost track of time and was talking to someone and didn’t have my jawwal with me, but here look you got a package in the mail, does this make up for me being late?” This was negotiation time. I had already brought with me two bags of clothes that needed to be returned (no changing rooms here so you take them home and try them on) at the mall. I wasn’t sure earlier how I was going to ask him to take me to return them, because he had already been taking me to the hospital for three days, plus I did not want him to ask me how was it that I wasn’t able to do anything else but I could walk around the mall. So I asked him if that was part of the plan all along, to pick me up late and give me the package hoping that it would shut me up. He said, “No, really it was totally unplanned.” So I asked him if he REALLY wanted to make up for it and he said yes so I said OK you can make up for it by taking me to the mall to return these clothes. Subhanallah, I have digressed and forgot my point. My point: I asked him what is it that I can do to show that I love you or what is it that I do to show you that I love you. He said, “you don’t have to do anything, I already know -pause- how was that for an answer?” I told him that it wasn’t a quiz that I really wanted to know, what are some of the things I do that makes him know I love him. He kept insisting that he just knew. So I started suggesting things. Is it:

a. When you are under a lot of pressure and I am always there for you? Him, “yeah cuz those were some hard times” Me: “See that’s how you should know I love you cuz I got your back” Him: “Yeah I know”

b. When you are sick and I take care of you?

“Yes, thank you”

c. Remember how I use to make those Root Beer Floats for you? I would still make them but they don’t have Breyers Ice Cream here, well a batch came in two years ago but it’s all freezer burnt and they haven’t had a new batch and Root Beer is hard to find, but when I find it I buy it. Him: Nods his head while driving.

So there we have it people, it’s not what you do to let a man know that you love them – they just know it!