I am seriously pondering, if there many truly happily married couples. I have found out horrible news of couples that appeared to be the ‘perfect couple’ with the ‘perfect family’. The stuff that goes on in some of those homes are far worse than the stuff that goes on in the homes of the couples that publicise their business. Which leads me to wondering if there are people who HONESTLY want to have the same spouse in Jannah.

I know sisters who have fitnah filled marriages, but they really love their husbands, black eyes and all, revolving door of co-wives and all, working to support (or collecting welfare) the family cause he don’t want to work for the kufar and all. These sisters will tell you that In Jannah everything will be all good and whatever problems you are having with your spouse in the dunyah will not be like that in Jannah. But what if you don’t want him in Jannah and furthermore, what if his treatment of you in the dunyah makes him deserving of a time out period in jahannam? You wanna wait for him or you pray Allah gives you someone much much better in Jannah?

I have a friend now who I envied (in a halal type of way), because she has the most content children, masha’Allah. I have one daughter who is never content, she gets bored very easy… Masha’Allah. Even if I were to spend the whole day running her around to do everything she likes, the minute we get home she says, “I’m bored”. It’s bed time and her eyes are closing but she is bored… Masha’Allah. My friend’s children seemed to always be happy just staying in the house. Her dh works shifts, so he was never really available to take them places so they were always in the house and really didn’t have many toys. As a matter of fact the mother was suffering from depression and even though she was with the kids 24/7 she wasn’t really there sometimes…ya know? Well after her dh tried to kill her she let me in on the family secret, that she and the kids are abused and that is why they are so content…masha’Allah.

Yesterday, another sister was spat in the face by her dh. Why? Because she called him at work and asked him to come home from work (he normally goes out after work and when he comes home he bypasses the family and locks himself away from them and demands their silence  so he can sleep) and take the kids to the park because she was stressed out and feared doing or saying anything that would cause them pain or bring on the wrath of Allah. She explained her fragile state to him and told him that she just needed a short break, just a little time to herself so that she could think, listen to the Quran, clean the fridge without the baby breaking the eggs, clean the oven that was so greasy it was becoming a fire hazard, and iron, fold, and put away the laundry without the kids playing in it. She told him that she often read about loving mothers who killed their kids and cited the cases of the Stay at Home, Homeschooling, Church going woman who was ‘perfect’ by everyone who knew her but she drowned all 7 of her kids and calmly called her dh at work and told him to come home cuz she killed the kids. She reminded him of the woman who strapped her two sons in their car seats and drove them into the lake. Nobody knows what happened that day. Even I can imagine how they were possibly fighting, screaming, and crying in the car and she just snapped wa authoo billah…..She told him that it wasn’t a threat, nothing was premeditated, but she was trying to prevent this from happening. She was not saying she was even capable of doing it but she could not say she was incapable of doing it. She told him to please take her request (for him to come get the kids for a few hours…there’s a park nearby) as a serious cry for help and to not blame her for not being all she can be (he usually compares her to other peoples wives who just because he ate a good meal at their home he assumed the woman has no problems handling her domesticc life). He was very calm and said ok he would be there (he was at work). This brother is known and respected in his community. He is one of the brothers who does have good adab and character, not one of the people you would expect this from like nuqtah said in the post on polygyny. Well the brother came home as he said. He was loading the kids up, the mom was listening to Quran and trying to eat for the first time that day (mind you it is almost nightfall and she’s been up since fajr!). He screamed at her and ordered her to do something. She told him that this is not the way you talk to someone on the verge on a mental breakdown. She reminded him that she was emotional and a bent rib and that she was not asking much of him so why all the attitude. He told her that they would discuss it later when they were alone. She reminded him that they are rarely alone and when they are ‘discussing things’ is not on his agenda. She said that the kids were well aware of her plight because she had to lock then in their room for their own protection earlier until she could get herself together. This is when he snapped! He starting hollering and screaming at how she better not ever threaten HIS children. As he spoke spit was getting all in her face and she was wiping it off and told him to calm down. He said oh you don’t want my spit in your face and hocked up and spit in her face two times! In front of the kids! He then said I will teach you a lesson and he dragged her and threw her down and was about to beat her (in front of the kids) until she screamed in pain after he sat on her recently operated on stomach. He snapped out of his satanic trance and apologised and blamed it on Shaytan. She reminded him that this was exactly what she was trying to prevent from herself. If he a so-called good brother could behave like that towards a wife who caused him no harm (and blame it on shaytan) than what makes him think that she could not one day do the same to the children?

I could go on and on with examples and I’m sure my readers can to. Unfortunately, I can not name one marriage that is without problems, because that is the reality of marriage, it’s hard work. I still would like to know if there are people who do not secretly want a different spouse in Jannah (well for the brothers they can have the dunyah wife and more so it doesn’t count for them) or are they so happy and content with their dunyah spouse that they would never pray for any other.